Such is life!!!: Can it get any better than this?

Wednesday 29 February 2012

Can it get any better than this?

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Divorce - after 25 years of marriage!

Divorce in the day and age when I got married was a dirty word, in India. And in my mind, come what may, I was definitely not going to get divorced 30 some years ago.

My marriage started off as a disaster from day one, but, I was an Indian girl and for me marriage was forever - and I was going to have to make it work one way or the other. And I tried and I tried and I tried, but, it takes two hands to clap and the harder I worked at making the marriage work, the more it went the other way. We were just two people who were all wrong for each other. When I wanted to go North he was happy hibernating in the South. Our thoughts just did not match and it was an unhappy affair - at least for me.

I have no desire to go through all that was wrong with our marriage, but the fact is that there was no communication. He was happy with the TV - I could not compete with all that the TV puts out. Most of his hours at home were spent communicating with the TV and as a result even in a house full of people both of us were truly alone in our marriage.

In all fairness to him, he is a good guy in his own way, but, we are poles apart in thinking and what we wanted from life. Still we plodded along - trying to make the best of a bad situation.

Anyway, the long and short of it is that I ended up taking a divorce 25 years later - after having brought into the world some beautiful but, unfortunate children who were going through the bad marriage and the divorce with us, right through. They were the innocent victims.:(

To me, divorce, is sadder than death of a loved partner (in a sense), because it is actually death of a marriage. Death has to come to us all at some time or the other, but death of a marriage does not. And as you go through it all you get no sympathy from others - in fact, everyone who knows you has an opinion and jdgement about the whole issue. Also, you still have to deal with the person you were married to and try and work out ways to make it workable and as happy as possible for the children.

And also, strangely the moment you take a divorce, people seem to think that you are open to their advances and sometimes even women friends have doubts when you are around their husbands. For Gods sake - I am still the same person I was when I was married, still holding the same values and morals - don't sit and judge and condemn me because I lucked out when I married someone who was totally wrong for me.

It was a very hard time for us all but somehow we got through it. And after many years life has started to eventually come together for me at least. My plea to all those people out there who sit in judgement of those who have opted to take a divorce is - please don't do that. Very few people break up the little nests they have created without good reason. Instead of judging them, try and help them sort themselves out.

People often ask me why I took a divorce after such a long time of being married. Its probably for the same reason that others who stay married for a long time before they take that step do - they want to do what they think is right for the children and when the children are all grown up there is nothing left in the marriage to keep them together. Instead of belittling them for breaking up a marriage, please realize that they made a big sacrifice in staying married for so long, and that they might have really tried to make it work, but it was unsalvagable.

At the end of the day, if you buy a shoe that does not fit well - that gives you blisters and pain - you don't keep wearing it. Why then should one have to go through a whole life in pain because they made a mistake and married someone not right for them???

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