Pregnancy after Rape...... Then What??? - Abortion, Adoption or Keep the Baby????

Raped!!! -- What a horrifying situation to find oneself in, yet it happens the whole world over and even as I write at this moment, someone somewhere is being violated thus. What a sad world we live in! What joy does it give a rapist, to rape someone - even knowing that his advances are unwanted. How can anyone dehumanize himself to such an extent? Its hard to believe that the same body which holds the image of God within oneself - also, holds the image of the devil within itself. And when the devil lets himself out tragic things happen.

I would not wish it on my worst enemy (luckily I believe in making friends - not enemies) - but some people rape their wives, partners, friends and even their own family members. What a lot of sick people there are in the world.

What trauma must a person go through, when rape takes place, before, during and after the deed. Such a violation of one's temple (I equate one's body as one's temple - because the God in that person resides there). The feeling of being unclean, the humiliation if one goes to the cops to lodge an FIR - the endless questions they get asked about the most personal details of the rape. It must seem like they are being verbally raped again. What a whammy it is in their lives.......!!! Somehow, though, with the help of loved ones and friends they begin to build their lives again and then.........!!!

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Here comes a double whammy - the rape has taken a more sinister form -- in the shape of a little person on his/her way. I shudder when I think of all the emotions that must go through the raped person's mind knowing that the rape was not all... Now here is a lifetime of feeling the rapist's presence around them coming their way, in the form of a little bub.

I often put myself in that person's position and think, 'how would I have felt, if that had happened to me. I love children, always wanted a dozen. I do not believe in abortion, I believe in responsible parenting.

However even despite all that, I don't think I would have ever gone through the pregnancy to bring forth the rapist's baby. It is easy for pro-lifers to say "have the baby and adopt it out" - but really is that what would be best for the baby.

It would be hard enough for the victim to deal with the rape. Now this, Oh my Gosh!!! If she has the baby she will have to live her whole life loving a child, but hating its father who has so violated her. How will she explain to her child that he/she was born out of an act of violence rather than love? How will the child feel about it? How will the child deal with such terrible news? (And invariably such news does leak out). How will it effect the child's attitude towards the world and among other things, what if history repeats itself and the child becomes a rapist like his dad - how would she cope with it?

What would you and I feel if we were the child in question. I can't answer for you, but I might even hate my mother for letting me be born under the circumstances. And that again would be a double whammy for the child and the mother. How would the baby have felt to know that the father had raped his mother and he was not born out of love but out of lust? Is'nt life hard enough as it is, without throwing in such horrendous things for a child to have to deal with?

People will always have an opinion as to what the victim should do, but she needs to do what is right for her and for the child. She may decide to have the baby, because her religion forbids her to get rid of the child. Well, I would not listen to a religion that told me that, because, I would think of what the child would have to go through in life, rather than worry about those that are least affected by it all. But then, that is me, and fortunately, I have never had to deal in real life with this situation - but I do have sympathy for the victims (both mother and the unborn child) and I can empathize with the dilemma they find themselves in.

The only good news in this whole scenario is that there is help out there for all three people in the equation as there are now a lot of counselling and trauma centers, and they deal with helping not only the victim but the rapist as well, to figure out what is wrong with him and why he did what he did.
So to all those unfortunate women out there who have been in this sitation, my heart goes out to you. I wish I had more than just words to help apease your pain, however, I sincerely say to you, "Do what you think is best for you and the baby". You have to live with the decision you make for the rest of your life -- so make it a decision that fits in with your being. Don't let judgmental people makes decisions for your life. They don't have to live your life -- you do.
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IS IT RAPE IF A WIFE SAYS "NO" BUT IT STILL HAPPENS?

Rape as described by Dictionary.com is "any act of sexual intercourse that is forced upon a person." That pretty well sums up what constitues rape in general terms.

However, unfortunately, it happens many times over, in many homes all over the world. Women are treated as a sex object and their wishes are disregarded by their husbands, who consider themselves to be their lord and master.

I have heard from at least a dozen married women who have told their husbands that they do not wish to have sex with them - that day or any other day - but their "nos" have been left unheaded, while the male in question has had his bit of fun - if it was that!

I have also heard men say that it is their right since they are married to the woman in question - and it is not rape at all. I ask you - what do you think?

I heard one sad story from a lady who said that her marriage went the wrong way from day one, when she told her husband of a few hours that she would like to wait a few days, till they got to know each other before taking a toss in the hay. They had a traditional arranged marriage and were virtually strangers to each other. Her husband, she said, laughed at her and said, "what, not make love to my wife on my wedding day?" and that was the end of the discussion. He was a man used to making love, she was a virgin. He had watched oodles of porn and nothing mattered to him but getting what he wanted.

So, she told me, "it was slam, bam, thank you maam" and he had his wish (what joy he got from it I wonder), and he immediately went into a drunken slumber while she says she bled profusely - due to the roughness he showed with her and the fact that she had been a virgin till then - and she spent the rest of the night in tears - her dreams of a happy marriage shattered on the very first night itself. She said that although she is still married to him - their marriage died that very night that they got married. She is unfortunately still bound down by the old traditions of India and will not take a divorce, although, there is no happiness in her marriage.

It stands to reason - that if a man is so thick-skinned and inconsiderate that he can force himself upon a poor defenceless woman then how can she ever be happy with him. If on his first night with her he has no gentleness or consideration for her, how can one ever expect him to have consideration later.

For a man sex is a physical appetite - as unemotional as the need to eat food, but, to most women sex is an emotional need - an expression of her love for the man in question. Men complain that their wives no longer want to be made love to. What they fail to realise is that either their wives are physically tired due to the demands made on them by children, housework, job etc. (which means the husbands are not doing anything to help out - so they are full of energy while the poor wife is juggling with the jobs on hand and the energy she has in her to get the most important things done}and by the time the night comes she is just too exhausted and all she wants to do is shut her eyes and fall off to sleep.

Or else, the wife is not having her emotional needs met, and when her emotions are denied her need or desire for sex dries up as well.

I have had some ladies tell me that their men treat them most disrespectfully, yet, they want them to be ready to have sex with them whenever they feel like it. And one lady said to me "If I cannot have the love, respect, trust and consideration that I deserve and desire - I don't feel like having anything to do with my husband. And I as a woman, can relate to that.

Spousal rape was not considered rape until the latter part of the twentieth century. The reason for that was that till then,the woman was treated as a belonging rather than a person and having married the man it was considered that she had consented in her duty to keep him sexually satisfied.

However, with the emergence of women's rights and equality between the sexes, spousal rape - at least in the western world - is recognized as such and punishable by law in many countries.

I would be very happy to hear what you think of this issue. Please do leave a comment for me - if you have any opinion at all about it. I am trying to do a kind of a study on this issue.

The Theory of Karma - is it right or not?

It's strange, but, although a large percentage of us humans are educated and intelligent people - we still seem to have not much thinking power of our own. Some of us blindly follow, rituals, religious beliefs and philosophies that have been passed down through the ages - but, in my opinion anyway some of them are flawed. One such theory that I cannot seem to digest is The Theory of Karma. I maybe totally off the bat and you may think that I am totally crazy, but these are my thoughts anyway and I would like to put them before you. Please feel free to comment in anyway you wish. I would love to hear your theories on this controversial Theory of Karma.

In simple terms, the Theory of Karma says that whether we are happy or unhappy, rich or poor, sick or in perfect health, etc. is all due to our past life's deeds. If we were good in the past life and performed good deeds, we are born in rich families and rich countries and likewise if we are poor and miserable - we must have performed bad deeds in our past life, for which we are being punished in this life.

In fact, I actually had one very wealthy relative tell me while she was talking to me that it was her karmas in the last life which made her rich in this life - and I thought to myself - if God was so happy with you, why did he punish you by taking away your husband when he was still a young man - even though you both were so happy together. Seems to me though, that her yardstick for measuring her goodness in her past life was money. I would have thought that the fact that her husband had been taken from her so young, so tragically might have been construed as some bad karmas from her past life - but no money was the deciding factory. Strange, but then it's a strange world out there anyway!

I have had many well-meaning friends try and ram this undigestable (to me anyway) Theory of Karma down my throat. However, it just does not go down well with me. My main objection to it is simple. In my opinion God is all good and all just. And a just God would never punish me or anyone else in this life for something that I did in the last life, but cannot remember and will never remember. Just as you don't punish someone for something they have done unless it can be proven that they have done it - so too in my humble opinion - God would never punish me for something I cannot possibly remember. After all if I cannot remember it how can I accept punishment for it. A just God - and God is just, so I believe - would never do that to any of us.

I have thought about this at length, because I told you I don't believe in the Theory of Karma as the world sees it. I have my own Theory of Karma - warped though you might think it to be - in my mind it makes perfect sense.

My Theory of Karma is that we human beings are souls being recycled constantly, life-time after life-time. And, in these life-times our souls go through a rigorous filtration process as they seek "antim moksh" or "eternal salvation" Only the purest of pure souls get "antim moksh" (and as little children we used to talk about when we die we become a star in the sky - I would like to think that this is true and that someday, many life-times from now when my soul has been purified to the hilt and climbed up to the top of the ladder of filtration of souls - I too will reach that level when my soul will no longer be recycled, but will stay in the Kingdom of Heaven - a bright and shining star looking down upon the world as Mother Theresa probably is at the moment).

So how does this filtration take place and why is there so much disparity between one soul and the next. Why is one born in war-torn countries, or lands where famine is taking place, or in a murderer's home, etc. After all the harder a person's life is the more chances that they will take the easy way out and do wrong things in order to get what it is they are after.

In my opinion, it's like this. Just as we have a CEO in a business, who normally is someone who has worked his way up the ladder in his job situation - and is there at the top because he was the best - so too, there is a rough filtration process that God puts us through all our lives. And depending on how we accept and deal with the challenges He/She throws in our way - we either rise or fall down the ladder. Those people who have miserable lives, but still make the most of their life and live it well, without doing anything to harm or hurt others they go up a rung of the ladder in each life-time till they reach the very top (if they ever get there). And the harder their life is on earth the closer they are to the top. It's always hardest at the top of everything worthwhile, is'nt it?

We are born where we are born because that is where we are on the ladder leading towards "eternal salvation". So, in my thinking because we are rich and have a good, healthy and happy life - it does not indicate that we have won God's favour and so are being bestowed with these luxuries. On the contrary, in my opinion, those who have a miserable life of poverty, hunger and disability, etc. are probably on a higher rung of the ladder towards "eternal salvation" than we are. And that is why their test in life is far harder than ours. Just as with each level of education, the exams get harder and fewer people reach there - so too with the filtration process, the tests get harder (hence all those born in poverty and misery as opposed to those born in healthy, happy homes) and only those souls who still lead exemplary lives despite their misery go higher up in the ladder till finally they reach levels of a saint and make their exit from this world - to the world above.:)

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