Blood transfusions - a way of life for some!

I wrote earlier about the dilemma I was placed into regarding my mother and her urgent need for blood. Being a rational, progressive thinking person I did not need to think about ethics - because to me it is perfectly ethical that if blood is needed blood should be given. The only thing that worried me was, 'what will happen if contaminated blood is given to her by accident.' However, her need for the blood was more than the risk involved especially at her grand age of 83. However, she is the lucky one, as am I and most of the people I know - as we do not constantly need blood transfusions to survive.

There are, however,a small percentage of people who do need blood, on a regular basis, or else they would cease to exist. Among them are people who have major thalassemia (a by product of two parents who have minor thalassemia).

I am fortunate that, although, I have minor thalassemia myself, my ex-husband did not have the same. It took me all of 25 years and a trip to Saskatoon Hospital, Canada; and a very painful bone-marrow test to find out that I had minor thalassemia - it was never diagnosed in India. Whenever, I would feel fatigued and low in India the docs would pass it off as anemia. Eventually an Indian doc in Canada diagnosed for me that I had had this disorder since my birth. I was then told that I was fortunate that my husband did not have the same disorder or else it could mean a very tragic case of a child with major thalassemia.

I was expecting my first child at that time, and although I did not quite understand the docs apprehension till he had tested my husband for the same I do unfortunately, understand it quite well now as we have a beautiful young lady in our family who has the terrible disorder we are talking about.

Now-a-days in India there is quite a lot of awareness of this disorder, which I am thankful for, but still I am sure there must be many people out there who do not realize that this is a genetic defect and if anyone in one's ancestry has this dreadful disorder the chances are that they could have it too. Furthermore, if two minor thalassemia people create any offspring together the rate of major thalassemia children born (I have been given to understand) is 1 out of every 4. A very high rate of risk.
Strangely just because one sibling has it does not mean that the other one will also have it. Anyway, to come back to the point I am making is that my lovely niece, who is such an inspiration to us all and a joy to be around, needs blood transfusions every 3 weeks or so in order to stay alive and this has been the scenario since she was born. In fact, well-meaning but ill-advised people had even asked her parents not to give her the first transfusion and to put an end to it before it even started. Luckily for us all, her parents chose to do it otherwise.

Life has been very hard for them all. How can it be otherwise when you see your child have to go through transfusion after transfusion - but what a lot of joy we would have missed out on if they had pulled the plug on her all those years ago. Today, she is happily married to someone who also unfortunately has the same disorder - but, together they will give each other strength - and at least they have one another who really understands what the other is going through.

My question is - how can parents who have so lovingly nurtured the baby till she is born, just decide to let her die because she needs blood and they don't want her to have it. Is that not as good as murder? That child is already there - do these children not have a right to live? In my opinion, they are probably on a higher level than the rest of us on the runk of the ladder that leads to eternal salvation (antim moksh - if you believe in it - as I do. But, that is a whole new controversial topic on the Theory of Karma as its stand today and I will discuss that on another day.)

What gets to me about religions such as Jehovah's Witness is that a lot of their brethren are very highly qualified lawyers, doctors, engineers - people with a lot of grey matter. Where then is that grey matter when they blindly follow the dictates of a religion - just because they are born into it and brought up to believe that whatever it says must be unquestioningly followed? How is it that such smart people cannot rationalize and see that God wants us to live as best we can. Yes, we should not kill someone to take their blood and use it for ourselves, but, if blood is needed and available it should be given to enable a good quality of life. If everyone followed their reasoning and religion many people who live reasonably good quality of life today - myself included, may not have been here to enjoy the world and the children and grand-children they so love.

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Blood transfusions..... should we or should'nt we?

The harrowing 8 days are finally over! I took my darling mother into hospital, not knowing whether I would be bringing her back alive - praying, hoping and cajoling God to give me some more time with her. And He/She answered my prayers.:) I finally brought her back with 4 units of foreign blood in her body - a new lease on her life..

When the doc told me that she needed blood transfusions - my mind was very ill at ease, knowing that if she received contaminated blood she could end up worse than she already is. The doc and other people put my mind at ease, telling me that it was all screened for illnesses that already exist and are known. Still it is a big decision, luckily all close members of my family and friends agreed that she should have the blood asap. And she did, and with that my precious mother started to come back to life.:)

It did set my mind thinking though, to the strict and unrelenting thoughts of Jehovah's Witnesses with regards to blood transfusions. They absolutely forbid it, no matter what - even if it is a matter of life or death. The Jehovah's Witnesses, believe that that is most unethical, their version or reading of The Bible forbids it. They consider that blood transfusions are somewhat like cannibalism, whereby you drink another's blood. There have been quite a few documented cases regarding Jehovah's Witnesses and their refusal to take or allow family members to be given blood, even when the eventuality would be an untimely death of the loved one.

It brought back a case I had heard of where a young girl was fighting for her life in Alberta, Canada; and her father - also a member of the Jehovah's religion, went against his beliefs and religion and allowed for her to be given transfusions in order to save her life. He was shunned after that by the rest of his family and religious brethren and even his daughter, whose life he saved - sometimes hated him and once in a while loved him, for giving her a chance at life through transfusions.

There was another case in 2004 when a 23 year old woman, with a 6 month old baby refused to take a transfusion, but, the Court allowed for it to be given. The reason for that decision was that the child had no other family and the baby needed her. What would make a mother want to take such a decision, I wonder, knowing that if something happened to her - as it was likely it would - then her baby would probably end up in an orphanage (if he was lucky) or else on the streets. Which is more important - the young baby or someone else's interpretation of what The Bible says?

How must a person feel when they know that a simple transfusion could save the life of their loved one - but, their religion forbids it. Why are people so easily lead by what people tell them about religious beliefs, that they would endanger the life of those they love just to follow the dictates of a religion that they have grown up with. This herd mentality, without using one's own reasoning and logic really astounds me. You find some of the most intelligent people so badly tied up in their religious beliefs that it makes you wonder if they really have a mind or reasoning power of their own. Is it really unethical for us to allow transfusions and allow another person's blood into our bodies? If so, then organ donation should also be frowned upon and forbidden.

However, I for one am an organ donor in the eventuality of my untimely or timely death. I feel that,that is the least I can do to help someone else live. I see absolutely nothing wrong in being a donor or a recipient. I am also glad that I do not belong or allow myself to blindly follow the dictates of any religion and that I did not have to think and rethink about whether or not to allow my mother the blood she needed to survive.

Quality or Quantity - which is better in life?

Last week, as I mentioned, my precious mother was extremely sick and needed to be hospitalized. It was a harrowing time for me - knowing how old she is (she is 83)and also knowing how fragile she is, the question always kept returning to my mind - Is it her time to go already? Fortunately, I have been very blessed - God spared her, made her well and sent her back home with me.:)

However, as always there is always controversy when someone elderly falls ill - as to whether she should have done this, that or the other. The thinking being that had she not done whatever it was that she has done, she would be sitting hale and hearty and sickness free. At the end of it all comes one question to my mind - is it quality or quantity that we need in our lives?

My mother and I had attended a family wedding in Bombay in February and although she was hale and hearty through it all, on arriving home she went through severe congestion, severe ear infection, severe conjunctivitis (so severe it looked like she had 2 ripe medium sized tomatoes sitting on top and inside her eyes. Then due to all the medication she took to correct these three ailments she ended up having severe diarrhea and then into a bad attack of piles - which led to severe blood loss and ended up in hospital with a hemoglobin of 4.7 gms.

She ended up being completely bed-ridden for 5 days and had 4 units of blood given to her in order for her to be able to walk again. Okay! so she went through all this - she did nothing to court this sickness - it could have happened to me instead - just the luck of the draw I think. Anyway, because of her age and fragility it hit her hard - I just thank God that He sent each bout of sickness one after the other. When one cleared the next lot came. It was an unusual set of circumstances, but, was it connected to our trip to Bombay???? I really don't think it was - not all of it anyway!

I had people telling me that I should realize how old she is and even if she wants to go I should not take her, because I know that she cannot go alone. Really? to me that would be heartless of me - knowing how keen she was on going and being there for her late sister's family and knowing that she would meet many of her other relatives maybe for the last time - should I really have refused to take her? Do I really want her to live without a life - just waiting from day to day, till death overtakes her - or do I want her to live and enjoy every day she can and let her live life while she is still alive?

To me the answer is simple. I, myself, would rather live life and enjoy each day that I can - as I wish to - rather than cotton wool myself and prolong my life as much as I can dying each day because I'm not really living, just protecting myself from dying. Still, I felt that this was one question I needed to ask my mother because it is her life we are talking about.

I did ask her that question, even before we went into hospital - after all the other sicknesses had taken their toll on her and even before I could finish framing the question, pat came her reply, "No, I'm not sorry we went to Bombay. I'm glad we went and I could be there as dadi (paternal grandmother) for my sister's grand-children."






Last year I took her with me to Thailand and Australia. It was the first time in many years that she got to meet her brother and his family, her sister and her family and her own grandchildren - the first time she met her great-grandchildren - all 7 of them! It was the first time she held a baby in many, many years -- could she have had all that joy if she had been too scared to live, in case something happened and she died instead.

Of course, we did not go unprepared. We took all possible precautions - including a business class ticket for her. Sure it cost a bomb, but it was worth it, because she did not tire at all and lived to enjoy her trip through and through. The joy that we all felt at her being there with the rest of our family, was it worth the risk of flying all the way there at this age? If you ask her, I'm sure you will hear an emphatic "absolutely yes! I would not have done it any other way".

So to all those people out there, who think I should let her sit at home and mope and await an inevitable death - I say, "Okay, if that's what you want for your life - that's your choice, but, please let us live ours the way we choose to." I would like to live life and enjoy as I see best for me, rather than live in fear that if I do whatever it is that brings me enjoyment I may die. I will die when my time comes to die - I will lie down forever and go to sleep, but till then please let me live. Give me quality of life rather than quantity any day.:)

Life knocks you around!

You think you have your life all set out pat and you go about your normal routine trying to build your business. And then whatm, life knocks you around!

This happened to me 3 days ago, when I was busy preparing for my day and waiting to write a new blog and all of a sudden my world slipped from under my feet. My darling mother, 83 years old has been ailing for a few weeks now, with various unrelated sicknesses - but, she was coping well for her age.

I went to find out one thing from her doctor and came back with another problem which could be far worse than the problem I went to solve. Anyway, I am still waiting for an answer for that, as the answer that we got back was inconclusive.

But, before I knew what happened I was escorting her to the hospital as she was too weak to even walk. Wham, that hit me like a ton of bricks - cause my mum despite her fragility and old age is a pretty gung-ho person and does like to walk by herself - sometimes even when I ask her not to.

What a day it was. Some good, some bad - but all is well that end's well and for that I thank God for his mercies. Well, to start off - I had to get help to move my mum from one place to the other. Thank God for good neighbours - I have been blessed with the best. Our regular Robin Hood neighbours were away, but some others who had moved in not long ago became the next Robin Hood's in our lives.

The young girl came to help me and said if you need to take mum to the hospital, my husband is home he can take you. As I have lived abroad for many, many years - I have not much wisdom when it comes to how things are done in India and I had heard that an ambulance can take a long time in coming, so I thanked her profusely and took up her offer.

I told her I would be ready in 15 mins had to zip across to the bank and get some money. My lady Robin Hood said, "how much do you need" and her reply to mine was, "don't worry, we have it at home just take aunty and go" Bless you Yamini, for the enormous trust you showed in me at that moment.

This was the good part of the story, from her begins the horror story. We live on the 6th Floor - the lift in our building quit - no idea how long it would take to repair. So, my poor dear, fragile 83 year old mother had the most traumatic ride of her life 6 floors down in a chair while 3 -4 men (our neighbour's husband included) took her down the stairs, one stair at a time. Bless them all, God and thank you for sending such wonderful people in my life when I most needed them.

Vishal, my neighbour, took us down in his car to the hospital. The ride was horrific as well as mum was so weak she could not sit and was positioned so badly in the car. Traffic was at its peak and we were in the heat for almost 1 hr. At a right turn, Vishal gave the indicator and the policeman said that he needed to go straight. Luckily, with mum lying down it was easy to persuade the policeman that this was an emergency and he let us go.

My poor dear mother, through all this said nothing. She just bore it all, as she does everything else - with courage and dignity. On reaching the hospital, things went well again and the doctor's and nurses took over and now my mum is resting there - more enegized than before with two units of blood in her body that were not there when we first reached there.

As I sit in the hospital with her, not connected to the net, I have time to thank God for his blessings sent our way in many forms - good neighbours, good doctors, good nurses, good members of our family and friends who come to visit and boost her morale - on the whole good people who help to make this world the beautiful place that it is in.

I came home for a couple of hours and sat down not knowing what to blog about - and this came to me. If it is not a top entry do forgive me, as there are many thoughts and emotions going through my mind. I have come home to a home that does not feel like home because my mother who was the main person here is sitting in hospital. God willing, I will bring her back with me for yet a little while more. I know that the day will come when she will never return, but I pray to God that that day is not yet on the horizon.:)

Marriage - why does it end in divorce???

Marriage - why does it end in divorce?
They get married with stars in their eyes, thoughts of a rozy life ahead....but alas! only a few months after the marriage they realise that the person they are with is no longer the person they were with, prior to their marriage. Why does this happen? Why do people change? Why do they wait till after marriage to change their behaviour - why change it later and make their happiness dissolve into unhappiness and eventually in many a case - into divorce?

I have no answers for those questions, but just some thoughts on what actually happens. I think initially, they are both enamoured by each others looks and personality and so they fall in love with each other. At this stage they are ready to please and be pleased by everything about each other. They put their best foot forward at all times, because they so badly want to belong to each other.

And then Wham! they tie the knot and get married. Now, the equation changes and that which they wanted so badly has happened. It is theirs. For a little while the excitement remains and so does the love. And then, it starts to creep in. All the teeny, tiny little things that irriate each one about the other. The things they once started to overlook, become quite openly unattractive now and finally they loom ahead like a beacon calling out saying, "I can't and don't want to live with this kind of behaviour anymore". Marriage ends and a process of divorce begins. This happens especially where there are other factors involved and where communication is low or nil between husband and wife. They really have nothing left to want to keep the marriage alive. They are better off alone!

A number of times, a person has specified what they are looking for in their marriage partner and the other person agrees - and says that's what they want from their partner as well. But things change after marriage and the truth becomes evident. One was not telling the truth in order to get the other to agree to that person getting married to them, but, what good does that do to the marriage - it is built on sifting sand. Eventually, break-downs occur & each goes their own merry or unhappy way.
Sometimes it is a control issue. One person wants to be in charge of the other and in this day and age of equality, that is a definite "no, no". But, trying telling that to the controlling person -they just don't understand and this leads to erosion of marriage as well.

Oftentimes, one of the partners' have anger-management issues. Sometimes, these are directly related to addictions of some sort. At other times, it may just be that the person has a lot of repressed aggression which keeps erupting every so often and of course, it is the spouse who bears the brunt of it all. These abusive marriages create havoc in the lives of all concerned - adults and children inclusive. If the spouse is pro-active divorce takes place, else it ends in a very unhappy marriage and a very unhappy home.

Also, these days with most men and women working out of the homes, housework becomes a bone of contention. I have found that where there is no strict line drawn between who does what household chores and where both partners do their bit in helping around the home their marriage builds a strong foundation and they both end up being happy with each other. But where it is pointed out that this is a man's job and this is a woman's job; or where the man will just not do any work at home because, "men just don't do that". Well......., I have news for such men - they may be winning the battle of the moment, but eventually they will loose the war because in most cases the marriage will end in divorce.

Where there is communication ...... and that too positive communication, people become inseparable - after all what more does one want in life than someone by their side always - who is a friend, a lover, a work-mate all rolled into one. I had a friend whose husband did not do any cooking but he would do all the picking and carrying and laying the table etc. and while she was cooking he was always there by her side, chatting with her and keeping communication alive. I commented on it and said how lucky she was to have such a husband and was told by some man X who was in the group that we were in at that time that, "He's such a woos". Well, I have news for that man X who today is divorced and living by himself - that, that woos is still very happily married. Most women, would give their eye teeth to marry such a man who finds time to talk, laugh, joke and cry with his wife. That in my eyes is what a real marriage should be about. When you don't feel the need for outside company, because what you have at home is so beautiful!

Then, there are also those that choose to go in for extra marital affairs after they are married. I would say to them - that grass is always greener on the other side. No one is perfect, so try and make adjustment with whom you are already married to because without adjustment and compromise on both ends this kind of a relationship almost always ends badly.

Sometimes, one person wants to grow as a human being and spiritually and the other just wants to sit and become a couch potato. Now that there really spells trouble - because they both are entitled to what they want - and yet they want two totally different things. One cannot grow if the other wants to laze around doing nothing. And the one that wants to laze around definitely does not want to go where the other is going............ in that case what other option is there but for them to divorce. Unless of course they have a happy marriage otherwise and are willing to allow each one their space to grow .............. or not to grow!

In Indian homes especially in joint families and where there is outside involvement in the marriage, things go either way. Either they become more solid and strong, because the involment from other family members is done in a positive and constructive way - or else they end in unhappiness and divorce.

What a sad state of affairs, it all is. If only people would show their true colours before they married, life would be much happier all around. And more than that there would be no unfortunate children who had the misfortune of being born into a home that was going through the strain of a divorce.
My advice to those considering marriage is write down your core values and what you want and expect out of life and then go through your list with your partner one by one and explore what they are ready to offer in that department. And ask them to do the same with you. And partners, please, its a matter of happiness not only for you but also for the person you are married to that you are honest about it all. There are more than 6 billion people in the world and almost half of them belong to the opposite sex. I am sure you will find at least one such person who wants what you want out of life. Wait for that person to come along, rather than making rash promises which you know you are not willing to keep, because that will only bring about unhappiness all around.

Marriages are not all made in heaven............... all of them are made right here on earth. If each one does what is right their partners and give them what they asked for when they married each other - the marriage would be a happy one and would not end in divorce.

While still on the tender topic of adoption.

One of the main questions when talking about adoption is - should the child be told that he/she is adopted. If so when do you tell the child? While there is no right or wrong answer - there are many diverse reactions and responses to the question.


I can only give you my point of view at the moment - however, if my readers wish to contribute their thoughts I would gladly run a kind of poll (except I am new to this blogging stuff - so I don't quite know how). However, I suppose if you were to leave me your comments I could make a log of them and then come back to you when I get a few responses.:)


My answer to this question is simple - "yes, they should be told and they should be told from day one, even if they are babies - they have a right to know". And, in my humble opinion if you tell them right from the start they are adopted, they will accept it gracefully. Yet, if they get to know years later - the betrayal of trust might be too much for them and a beautiful relationship may be ruined - by how they are told and by whom.


Unfortunately, in this world there are too many people who like to poke their noses where they are not needed and I have heard a few horror stories of how some unkindly aunt or other person in the family has blurted out the truth about their adoption to them. Can you imagine how a child will feel if in his/her formative years they suddenly find out that his/her parents did not give birth to them?


I remember when I was very young, a well meaning family friend who was very fond of me, always, used to tell me that I was actually her daughter and that my parents had adopted me. It did not help that I did not really look like either of my parents. It did do a lot to upset my little mind at that time - although she did it out of love, because she loved me in those days like her own girls. Grown-ups don't realise how much damage they can do sometimes by the things they say .............. and I am as guilty of it as the next person.......I'm sorry to say. But I am trying to watch what I say and I hope others will do so as well. It might help our next generations!


Anyway, back to the adopted child ............ how difficult is it to tell the child right from the start, that he/she is very special ....... as you have specially selected her from the millions of children out there in the world to be your very own child. If you make it a special thing and let them know from the beginning that they are adopted, they will always feel special.


They may still choose to find their birth parents, but, hey - would you not want to know where you came from if the positions were reversed. And every person has a right to know who his birth parents were.  However, if you have loved them well and made them feel special to you they will always come back to you.:)

Aaaaaah, we were talking about adoption!

While still on that delicate topic of adoption - I had often wondered why people adopt within the family when the child's parents are still alive. I had a cousin and a friend who were adopted that way. My cousin's birth mother and adoptive mother were real sisters. My friend was adopted by a single aunt who never got married. Her brother had four girls and she was the one who got adopted. Luckily, for both of them they had very happy, healthy, well-balanced childhoods and were well-loved in their respective adoptive homes. I never did ask my cousin how he felt about being an only child (although he had other siblings) or the adoption, but, my friend herself mentioned once that she often wondered why she was chosen to be given away by her parents. She calls them "Uncle" and "Aunty" - yet knowing that they are her birth parents makes it so wierd. She grew up without siblings, except when they were all together in the same house and same city - even then she was the one who did not really belong, they were her cousins by adoption - not e her real sister. How awful is that? Fancy missing out on such special relationships, because the people who created you did not think about your needs, wants or desires. My thinking is - how could one do that to one's own child? I know that the child was given to the adoptive person because,the adoptive person was well loved and they wanted to give that person the joy of loving their own child. That is a very lovely thing to do for another person. However, on the flip side of the coin - is this beautiful baby whom you have brought into the world. She/he is not a toy or gift that you can just hand over to someone else, because you love them a lot. What about the baby's feelings. How does a child who has been given away by a parent cope knowing that they loved someone else more than they loved her and so they gave her away to the other person. What a terrible dilemma and thought to have to live with for the rest of your life - it would be so much easier to accept if the parents were dead. Life is hard enough without adding more dimensions to it than God had intended for that life. The world is full of children who are without parents. They are the ones who really need to be adopted. They are the ones in danger out there - alone in the world. If you are going to adopt why not adopt out of them, so that you really do some good for another soul. Instead, by adopting within the family or friend's circle you create more issues for a poor child to have to deal with right through their life. Why is it when people think about these things they never seem to think from the eye's of a child who has been given up for adoption. I too, many years ago was put through the same test. My ma-in-law wanted me to give up one of my babies (even those not yet born) to be adopted by my brother and sister-in-law. Wow, that hit me like a ton of bricks!!! I should have expected it but I did not, and when it came it knocked the very wind out of my sails! She had made my brother and sister-in-law, whom I had grown very fond off, wait for 13 years - telling them that when their brother married they could adopt a child from him. She did not want whatever they had materially, to go to another child - it should go to a child from within the family. How selfish is that and how mercenary?:( Instead of thinkig about the child's feelings, to be thinking about keeping whatever is in the family - for the family. Anyway, I had to politely but assertively tell her that 'sorry but no way am I going to part with a child'. She said if you plan to have 4, just have one extra to give to them and I had to tell her that no matter how many children I had there would never be an extra one. All of them would be very welcomed into my home and my heart. I tried to explain to her that I could never do that to my child and that it was important to think of that child before all else. Also, I tried to tell her that any child that came into the house as an adopted child would for all intents and purposes be the loved child of those parents and there should be no difference between him/her and a child born into the family. However, I don't think she quite understood - or forgave me for not giving away my child. The irony of the whole thing is that those beautiful children that my brother and sister-in-law adopted, after that incident were the ones who were around her to give my ma-in-law all the love and care that grandchildren do and she knew them more than she ever knew any of the children actually born into the family.

Still on the topic of adoption!

As I had mentioned earlier, I did a Post-Graduate course in International Social Work in Melbourne many years ago. I did some research and wrote on a topic -adoption - that has been a passion of mine ever since I was a little girl. When I was still in my teens I had thought that someday I would like to adopt a child and give some parent-less child the joy of belonging. (However, I must say that I was thoroughly put off with the Indian adoption rules in those days as they said that if you adopt a child that child gets half of whatever you have when you die - and all the other children collectively get the other half. Talk about being unfair to your own child). Anyway, when I did this research for my course, I found out that in Victoria, Australia and in many other countries adoption rules were so strict in olden days, that they did not allow for parents or children to look for or try and find each other. How cruel is that? Okay, Okay, so maybe the parent could be penalized for life for having given up his/her child while they were still alive......but, to do that to a child. How awful would that be? Every human being wants to know where he/she came from. What right does anyone have to take that right away from a person? Anyway, fair or not ... that's what the law said in those days and many a child who had been adopted in that era, died without ever finding out where his/her roots came from. I forget what year that dumb rule was lifted, sometime in the 1960s or 1970s but, when it was lifted there was a deluge of both - parents who gave up their children for adoption and since wanted to find them; as well as; children who wanted to find their birth parents. Many had grown up in orphanages and had miserable lives, some had lived off the streets, some went to undesirable homes ..... but, there were also many who had found very loving and supportive parents, but, still the hankering for where their bloodline came from, caused them to want to find out. A lot of adopted children were very fortunate that the adopting parents did not mind, and, some even helped them find out about their birth parents. Some of the stories were happy reunions with the birth-parents becoming a part of their children's future lives - as friends, not parents since they had given up that right. However, I can remember reading about one poor fellow who desperately wanted to find out and talk to his mother - I think his father had already died - but this heartless birth-mother did not want to disrupt her present life (and her husband and other children did not know about this child) so she refused to meet or even talk to the son she had borne, and given away and since forgotten. How any woman can be so cruel I cannot fathom, but I won't sit in judgement of her as I do not know her circumstances. I just wonder how she can get up each day and look at her face in the mirror and like what she sees!!! It does lead me to a niggling question in my mind though .... Should she be allowed to keep quiet and stay unknown -if her child wants to know her - or does she owe it to the child to talk to him? After all she did put him on this earth and then subsequently forgot about him. I would love to have other people's opinions regarding this issue --- so if you have any thoughts please write them out for me and send them to me.:)