Such is life!!!: 2012

Tuesday 25 December 2012

Such is life!!!: More on the topic of "The Theory of Karma"!!!

Such is life!!!: More on the topic of "The Theory of Karma"!!!: More on the topic of "The Theory of Karma" The "Theory of Karma" is such an interesting topic, don't you think? It really get's one ...

Thursday 13 December 2012

I just posted a blog in blogger . Do check it out.

Such is life!!!: The Power of our thoughts.Thoughts are very power...

Such is life!!!:
The Power of our thoughts.Thoughts are very power...: The Power of our thoughts. Thoughts are very powerful, so, be careful of what you think. It is strange, yet it is true, people who...

The Power of our thoughts.

Thoughts are very powerful, so, be careful of what you think. It is strange, yet it is true, people who are dying of Cancer can save themselves from the dreadful ailment, by the power of their thoughts and of course, the right medications. The famous author “Louisa Hay” wrote about her experience with Cancer and her fight against it with her powerful positive thoughts. She eventually won the battle over her disease and came out Cancer free.

There have been many others who have similar stories to tell. They all have only one thing in common – their positive thoughts that they can do whatever it is that they wish to do. Of course, not all such positive thinkers end up with these outstanding results, however, no one with negative thoughts ever ends up with positive things happening to them.

I know of a lovely lady, who unfortunately, said some very negative things about her life and attracted the same into her life. She claimed she would never see 70, she died at 69. She was murdered by a gang of ruthless robbers who entered her home and struck tragedy there. She had been fearful that that might happen, as she had heard that they were targeting elderly couples who lived alone. She lived in the suburbs they were targeting, but more than anything else, she kept talking about the fact that her husband and her were “sitting ducks” for the gang of robbers and that is exactly what happened.

The movie “The Secret” talks about nothing but the power of positive thinking and the Laws of Attraction. Whatever you think about,you attract to yourself, so get into the habit of always thinking positive. When negative thoughts creep in push them aside and change your thought pattern and eventually it will become a habit to always think positive and look for the best in every situation.

I wish I had known all this stuff about the “Laws of Attraction” and positive thinking, when I was just a young girl. I would have rearranged my life with my thoughts. I do have a very good book to suggest to all those who care to read it though. It's called “The Magic of Thinking Big” by David Schwartz. In my opinion every educational institution in every country should have it in their curriculum. It is an easy book to read, but very powerful in its message. :)

Monday 19 November 2012

Parental love!!! Love your children???

Different kinds of love for children.

I just read a post named, "My child" http://posts.fanbox.com/74fq4 about a child whose parents were estranged and the reaction of the father from there on. It is a sad story about how children sometimes become pawns between two uncompatible parents. It reminded me of two cases that really had me thinking about parents and the kind of love they have for their children.

There was, and this is a true story, a young boy in America somewhere whose parents were estranged from each other. The father had visitation rights and so one time he took David for a weekend away. That weekend while David was asleep in his bed, his father locked the door from the outside and set fire to the room that David was in. He did not want to share David with his wife - he loved him too much he said -so he decided to kill him, so that his wife could not have him.

Luckily, or unluckily, miraculously David got saved but with very extensive burns to all of his body. I saw David on the Phil Donahue show, a few years after I had seen the movie about him. (The movie is called David.) He was in a full body cast. That is probably his uniform for the rest of his life. He was constantly in pain and when asked how he felt about his father, he candidly said "such kind of love is very destructive - I never want to see my father in my life again.

Poor David, there are others like him who suffer because their parent's love for them is a selfish love rather than a healthy one.

However, here's one to lift your spirits.:) This too is a true story.

There was a lady in Canada who had 7 children, and a husband who (I forget was either riddled with arthiritis or an alcoholic and) could barely look after himself – forget about looking after his children.

The lady found out that she was suffering from Cancer and had only a couple of years to live. They were a poor family and she did not want to leave her children for the State to look after, after she died. So she sent out ads to have her children adopted out to loving and caring families who could look after them as their own. She interviewed and asked her children before she gave them up for adoption, whether they liked the people that she found and would they like to live with them for the rest of their lives.

While she was alive she managed to find good homes for them all, except for one who was disabled. She did manage to find a safe place for him as well though, although not in a loving home. There is a movie about this lady and her family as well, and it is called, “Who will love my children?”

Well, this happened a very long time ago, over 50 years or so, but I remember, while I was still in Canada somewhere in the mid 80s they had a show where they brought all these children together again (of course, they were all adults by then – the disabled one had not made it, he had died some years before) but the rest of them all spoke of the loving homes that they came from and how their mother had lived alone her last few days, in order to ensure that they had happy homes.

Hats off to mother's like that!!! It brings back faith in humanity and constructive parental love. :)

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Monday 5 November 2012

IBO Toolbox - a cool new free-to-join social marketing site.

The IBO Toolbox (Free to Join and Use- generate a lot of Free traffic and sales. :) Hi folks,I just recently joined up with a fairly new free advertising site, and I wanted to share it with you.

IBOtoolbox is a fairly new social networking and marketing site - with a difference. It is basically a site for online business people. So its a great site to meet and befriend like-minded people.

The people on IBO Toolbox are very friendly on the whole and totally receptive to anything to do with the net. So the marketing chances here are tremendous. It is a very powerful way to market your goods. IBO Toolbox also allows you to share with over 300 internet sites so it really blows your messages virally all over the net.

When you join IBO Toolbox, or indeed any other social networking site, always fill your profile in as comprehensively as you can - it is your calling card. When people like what you write, they check you out by looking at your profile. So don't skimp on that and do make it as friendly and professional as possible.

Once you have filled in your profile fully you will get 100 credits and you can use these to advertise with. IBO gets over 100,000 people visiting the site each day.

The main idea is for you to mingle as much as you can. Tell people about yourself and what you do. Also, let them know how you can help them.

IBO has an Activity Analyser located on the left-hand of the page. This Analyzer basically tells others where you are at with the IBO site. There is room for 6 stars and the more you have the better you look to people. Each green arrow gives you 1 star.

This makes a great contacting tool as people want to talk to you and get to know you better by what they say. It also helps in creating backlinks, gives you a better ranking and also leads to sales.

Earning Points on IBO Toolbox is easy. All you do to start earning these points, is complete your profile and earn 100 points. Then you use these points to show your banners and point them to what you are offering. This will enable you to get another star.

By writing and submitting an 800 + word blog, you earn 20 points and can earn them twice each day.

Post "links" and work your way towards another star. Also, by commenting on blogs you will get stars and once you have 5 stars you will get 2 points for each comment you make after that.

The best part is that all you need to get massive amounts of traffic and sales is 5 stars with IBO Toolbox because with every 100 points you get the equivalent of 500 banner impressions and that will blow a lot of traffic and sales your way. :)

Wednesday 24 October 2012

What is wrong with our Justice System?

What is wrong with our justice system?

Wow, what an eye-opener that show Crime Patrol is! It really is an insight into the minds and lives of people. It"s sad, that the stories are true to life and so some unfortunate person really has lived that horror in their life. But, it really makes me think and be thankful. How fortunate I am not to have been in place of whoever it is that the show was about!

The show about Baby Tara --- urf Firdos. It sent shivers down my spine! To think that even in this day and age – there are women and children who are actually being sold for prostitution or some evil man's or woman's sexual pleasure.

What is wrong with this world? How is it that in this world we have had people like Mother Theresa and yet we also have devils like the woman Meena in Baby Tara's case. Trying to imagine why anyone would want to harm another in anyway, is bad enough. But, trying to imagine how a woman, a so-called epitome of love and caring could so callously for money, just ruin another woman and her children's lives really makes me sick (and I'm sure most of the world is with me in that feeling).

What is it in these women and men that their souls don't cry out and stop them when they are committing these wicked deeds? How can they put anyone into the hell that they do? When they are caught, why are they not given capital punishment? After all if they can play with other peoples lives, without a care, for them then why do we not dole out the same treatment for them?

I really fail to understand why people who rape, or murder, kidnap, sell, mutilate others are not dealt with - with utmost severity when they are exposed. Why is our justice system so protective of the rights of criminals when the criminals themselves so thoughtlessly and cruelly take away the rights of others?

It is my personal opinion that if the punishment for such ugly deeds as those and others mentioned above, were to be prosecuted with the same and more severity; we would live in a far better and safer world. Each time we allow a criminal to go away with just a rap on his/her knuckles we give them more strength to do worse – as they know the punishment will not be befitting the crime.

The very fact that in India criminals are allowed to enter politics, is appalling. That cases like the Tara case or Ruchika Ghirotra case have not yet met with justice really shakes me up.

Why is it that the victim has to prove that they have been violated, in such a way that they are victimized even more and yet the criminal gets away with a joke of a sentence?

Is there anyone out there who can suggest, and lead the way so that such atrocities do not take place?And, God forbid, but if they do take place that we punish the criminal accordingly with a punishment that is befitting the crime.

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Saturday 23 June 2012

Should Kasab be served the death penalty?

What is it with Ajmal Kasab that the judicial system is still not handing him the death penalty? Why are tax-payer's hard-earned dollars going in to look after him for all these years in jail? Why is he not killed cold-bloodedly - as he has so casually and eagerly killed so many of our people?

On the night of 26th November, 2008, all of India felt the tremors from the cold-blooded terror attack on its own soil - in the heart of cosmopolitan Mumbai. The 2008 Mumbai attacks (also often referred to as 26/11) were a coordinated series of bombing and shooting attacks across the largest city in India - Mumbai. These attacks began on the 26th of November, 2008 and went on till November 29th, 2008. In total these attacks left at least 308 people wounded and 164 people dead. The world was left in horror as another September 11, 2001 situation began to unfold in India.

All the terrorists were Islamist from Pakistan, and as confessed by Kasab, they were all trained by the ISI. They were also all given reconnaissance assistance - and a meticulously well-devised plan to destroy and create a path of destruction around high-profile places in Mumbai.

The attacks took place in the Oberoi Trident Hotel, Mazagoan Docks,Metro Cinema, St. Xavier's College,Leopold Cafe, Chhatrapati Shivaji Terminus, the Taj Mahal Tower and Palace, in a lane near the building of the Times of India and Cama Hospital. A taxi in Vile Parle was also attacked. It took endless hours of dedicated men and women to control, capture and kill the attackers and all of India stood by in alert NSG Guards were rushed in and Operation Black Tornado was conducted in an effort to purge the place of all terrorists - this led to the deaths of all the attackers, bar Ajmal Kasab.

Only one terrorist survived the ordeal. His name is Ajmal Kasab. In 2010, on 6th May Ajmal Kasab was found guilty on five counts and sentenced to death. That however, is still to happen!!!:(

According to NDTV, the Maharastra Government has, since 2008 when Kasab was captured, till date paid over 25 crores to keep the mass murderer alive. What justice is that - we have so many, many innocent and hungry mouths, dying due to malnutrition and here the Government spends so many crores feeding and looking after 1 man, who has brought so much grief to the whole nation and to some families in particular. How ironic is it that state is spending so much on security for Kasab when he was the cause of such brutality in the same same state! (1)

The question therefore arises that should we follow through with the death sentence or not? I would be very happy to hear from all my readers whether or not they feel that Ajmal Kasab should be dealt a death penalty or not for his part in 26/11.

(1) http://www.ndtv.com/article/india/ajmal-kasab-s-security-food-and-medical-bills-cost-maharashtra-govt-over-rs-25-crores-196451

Thursday 7 June 2012

The death penalty - Should we or should'nt we exercise it?

The death penalty has many names - Lethal injection, execution, capital punishment to name a few. In olden days, capital punishment was prevalent in most societies in some form or the other. However, as societies became more civilized the death penalty was revised and completely obliterated in some countries. Currently it has been abolished in 97 countries, some countries have not had a single death sentence dealt out in the last 10 years. Only 57 countries in the world still allow and practice capital punishment. The only society where capital punishment has never been followed is Kievan Rus.(1)

Amnesty International together with the UN General Assembly are calling for an execution moratorium, hoping eventually to phase it out completely. Currently however, approximately 60% of the world lives in countries where the death penalty is still being practiced. Four of the most populated countries in the world still allow the death penalty, although in 3 of them, the U.S., India and Indonesia it does not happen very often. China is the only heavily populated country in the world that actually, still makes use of capital punishment on a mass scale.

Amnesty International says that in 2011 only 21 countries have actually used the death penalty as punishment for crimes committed. China does not formally leak out information of the death penalty doled out in its country, however, numerous executions have taken place there. If the statement is to be believed then hundreds of people are executed in China each year. The beginning of the year 2012 saw at least 18,750 people on death row globally.(1)

Now the burning question is, should the death penalty be allowed or not. What do you think?

Some of the pros for levying the death penalty, in my opinion, are:

1. Justice is served. When some innocent person's life has been violated then it is only befitting that his killer's life should come to an end as well. Why should he be alive to see the beauty of the world, and enjoy his relationships while the victim lies cold in his grave. Where the punishment is not befitting the crime, justice is not served and that is not fair to humanity at large.

2. If a person is not made accountable for his actions, by counter-actions on behalf of the justice-givers then it leaves the door open for others to follow suite, knowing that they will only get a 'rap on their knuckles' and be let off - therefore it does not act as a deterrent as a death penalty would.

3. When they get away with murder once, why won't they do it again? So, to save the life of this murderer we may put many more lives in danger. Is that fair?

4. The cost of keeping a person alive, just because we do not wish to be 'barbaric' and take his life in return for his having done exactly that to another person - is huge. Why should honest, hard-working tax-payers pay for the criminal's free stay in prison. That money could be much better used elsewhere, including in looking after the millions who, globally, live under the poverty level.

5. In earlier days, mistakes did take place and innocent people 'were sent to the gallows' but now-a-days with the heavy screening and matching of DNA those are things of the past. Should we still hang on to the 'no death-penalty' wagon just because of that?

6. It also helps the victim's family, who have needlessly suffered a lot to know that the person who killed their loved one, was killed in return, so it helps bring about closure and some relief in their lives.

Some of the cons for levying the death penalty, in my opinion are:

1. By allowing the death penalty we actually do the same thing - we kill someone, so we lower ourselves to his level. By allowing it we are as guilty as he was. Should we really do that?

2. The victim is dead already, what good will it do to him if we put his perpetrator to death as well.

3. It is 'barbaric' and 'gruesome' - completely out of the dark-ages; to put someone to death, in such a cold-blooded way.

However, all said and done - in my mind - we as a society, owe it to our citizens to allow them to feel safe and secure in the knowledge that no one will harm them. However, perchance someone does harm them, they need to know that justice will be upheld.

If we let the victims get away, we are actually, in my opinion, accepting what they do and condoning it and encouraging others to do the same. I know it is 'barbaric' to follow this path, however, it seems to me - to be the only fair way of dealing with the situation. "An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth," (Hammurabi, 1792-1750BC King of Babylon) It seems to me to be, the only fair way of deterring people from doing the wrong thing. Innocent lives should not be lost because the law is too lenient in doling out punishment to wrong doers.

(1)(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Capital_punishment)

Tuesday 22 May 2012

Pregnancy after Rape...... Then What??? - Abortion, Adoption or Keep the Baby????

Raped!!! -- What a horrifying situation to find oneself in, yet it happens the whole world over and even as I write at this moment, someone somewhere is being violated thus. What a sad world we live in! What joy does it give a rapist, to rape someone - even knowing that his advances are unwanted. How can anyone dehumanize himself to such an extent? Its hard to believe that the same body which holds the image of God within oneself - also, holds the image of the devil within itself. And when the devil lets himself out tragic things happen.

I would not wish it on my worst enemy (luckily I believe in making friends - not enemies) - but some people rape their wives, partners, friends and even their own family members. What a lot of sick people there are in the world.

What trauma must a person go through, when rape takes place, before, during and after the deed. Such a violation of one's temple (I equate one's body as one's temple - because the God in that person resides there). The feeling of being unclean, the humiliation if one goes to the cops to lodge an FIR - the endless questions they get asked about the most personal details of the rape. It must seem like they are being verbally raped again. What a whammy it is in their lives.......!!! Somehow, though, with the help of loved ones and friends they begin to build their lives again and then.........!!!

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Here comes a double whammy - the rape has taken a more sinister form -- in the shape of a little person on his/her way. I shudder when I think of all the emotions that must go through the raped person's mind knowing that the rape was not all... Now here is a lifetime of feeling the rapist's presence around them coming their way, in the form of a little bub.

I often put myself in that person's position and think, 'how would I have felt, if that had happened to me. I love children, always wanted a dozen. I do not believe in abortion, I believe in responsible parenting.

However even despite all that, I don't think I would have ever gone through the pregnancy to bring forth the rapist's baby. It is easy for pro-lifers to say "have the baby and adopt it out" - but really is that what would be best for the baby.

It would be hard enough for the victim to deal with the rape. Now this, Oh my Gosh!!! If she has the baby she will have to live her whole life loving a child, but hating its father who has so violated her. How will she explain to her child that he/she was born out of an act of violence rather than love? How will the child feel about it? How will the child deal with such terrible news? (And invariably such news does leak out). How will it effect the child's attitude towards the world and among other things, what if history repeats itself and the child becomes a rapist like his dad - how would she cope with it?

What would you and I feel if we were the child in question. I can't answer for you, but I might even hate my mother for letting me be born under the circumstances. And that again would be a double whammy for the child and the mother. How would the baby have felt to know that the father had raped his mother and he was not born out of love but out of lust? Is'nt life hard enough as it is, without throwing in such horrendous things for a child to have to deal with?

People will always have an opinion as to what the victim should do, but she needs to do what is right for her and for the child. She may decide to have the baby, because her religion forbids her to get rid of the child. Well, I would not listen to a religion that told me that, because, I would think of what the child would have to go through in life, rather than worry about those that are least affected by it all. But then, that is me, and fortunately, I have never had to deal in real life with this situation - but I do have sympathy for the victims (both mother and the unborn child) and I can empathize with the dilemma they find themselves in.

The only good news in this whole scenario is that there is help out there for all three people in the equation as there are now a lot of counselling and trauma centers, and they deal with helping not only the victim but the rapist as well, to figure out what is wrong with him and why he did what he did.
So to all those unfortunate women out there who have been in this sitation, my heart goes out to you. I wish I had more than just words to help apease your pain, however, I sincerely say to you, "Do what you think is best for you and the baby". You have to live with the decision you make for the rest of your life -- so make it a decision that fits in with your being. Don't let judgmental people makes decisions for your life. They don't have to live your life -- you do.
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Tuesday 15 May 2012

http://myweb.ecomplanet.com/RITU2800/

IS IT RAPE IF A WIFE SAYS "NO" BUT IT STILL HAPPENS?

Rape as described by Dictionary.com is "any act of sexual intercourse that is forced upon a person." That pretty well sums up what constitues rape in general terms.

However, unfortunately, it happens many times over, in many homes all over the world. Women are treated as a sex object and their wishes are disregarded by their husbands, who consider themselves to be their lord and master.

I have heard from at least a dozen married women who have told their husbands that they do not wish to have sex with them - that day or any other day - but their "nos" have been left unheaded, while the male in question has had his bit of fun - if it was that!

I have also heard men say that it is their right since they are married to the woman in question - and it is not rape at all. I ask you - what do you think?

I heard one sad story from a lady who said that her marriage went the wrong way from day one, when she told her husband of a few hours that she would like to wait a few days, till they got to know each other before taking a toss in the hay. They had a traditional arranged marriage and were virtually strangers to each other. Her husband, she said, laughed at her and said, "what, not make love to my wife on my wedding day?" and that was the end of the discussion. He was a man used to making love, she was a virgin. He had watched oodles of porn and nothing mattered to him but getting what he wanted.

So, she told me, "it was slam, bam, thank you maam" and he had his wish (what joy he got from it I wonder), and he immediately went into a drunken slumber while she says she bled profusely - due to the roughness he showed with her and the fact that she had been a virgin till then - and she spent the rest of the night in tears - her dreams of a happy marriage shattered on the very first night itself. She said that although she is still married to him - their marriage died that very night that they got married. She is unfortunately still bound down by the old traditions of India and will not take a divorce, although, there is no happiness in her marriage.

It stands to reason - that if a man is so thick-skinned and inconsiderate that he can force himself upon a poor defenceless woman then how can she ever be happy with him. If on his first night with her he has no gentleness or consideration for her, how can one ever expect him to have consideration later.

For a man sex is a physical appetite - as unemotional as the need to eat food, but, to most women sex is an emotional need - an expression of her love for the man in question. Men complain that their wives no longer want to be made love to. What they fail to realise is that either their wives are physically tired due to the demands made on them by children, housework, job etc. (which means the husbands are not doing anything to help out - so they are full of energy while the poor wife is juggling with the jobs on hand and the energy she has in her to get the most important things done}and by the time the night comes she is just too exhausted and all she wants to do is shut her eyes and fall off to sleep.

Or else, the wife is not having her emotional needs met, and when her emotions are denied her need or desire for sex dries up as well.

I have had some ladies tell me that their men treat them most disrespectfully, yet, they want them to be ready to have sex with them whenever they feel like it. And one lady said to me "If I cannot have the love, respect, trust and consideration that I deserve and desire - I don't feel like having anything to do with my husband. And I as a woman, can relate to that.

Spousal rape was not considered rape until the latter part of the twentieth century. The reason for that was that till then,the woman was treated as a belonging rather than a person and having married the man it was considered that she had consented in her duty to keep him sexually satisfied.

However, with the emergence of women's rights and equality between the sexes, spousal rape - at least in the western world - is recognized as such and punishable by law in many countries.

I would be very happy to hear what you think of this issue. Please do leave a comment for me - if you have any opinion at all about it. I am trying to do a kind of a study on this issue.

Tuesday 8 May 2012

The Theory of Karma - is it right or not?

It's strange, but, although a large percentage of us humans are educated and intelligent people - we still seem to have not much thinking power of our own. Some of us blindly follow, rituals, religious beliefs and philosophies that have been passed down through the ages - but, in my opinion anyway some of them are flawed. One such theory that I cannot seem to digest is The Theory of Karma. I maybe totally off the bat and you may think that I am totally crazy, but these are my thoughts anyway and I would like to put them before you. Please feel free to comment in anyway you wish. I would love to hear your theories on this controversial Theory of Karma.

In simple terms, the Theory of Karma says that whether we are happy or unhappy, rich or poor, sick or in perfect health, etc. is all due to our past life's deeds. If we were good in the past life and performed good deeds, we are born in rich families and rich countries and likewise if we are poor and miserable - we must have performed bad deeds in our past life, for which we are being punished in this life.

In fact, I actually had one very wealthy relative tell me while she was talking to me that it was her karmas in the last life which made her rich in this life - and I thought to myself - if God was so happy with you, why did he punish you by taking away your husband when he was still a young man - even though you both were so happy together. Seems to me though, that her yardstick for measuring her goodness in her past life was money. I would have thought that the fact that her husband had been taken from her so young, so tragically might have been construed as some bad karmas from her past life - but no money was the deciding factory. Strange, but then it's a strange world out there anyway!

I have had many well-meaning friends try and ram this undigestable (to me anyway) Theory of Karma down my throat. However, it just does not go down well with me. My main objection to it is simple. In my opinion God is all good and all just. And a just God would never punish me or anyone else in this life for something that I did in the last life, but cannot remember and will never remember. Just as you don't punish someone for something they have done unless it can be proven that they have done it - so too in my humble opinion - God would never punish me for something I cannot possibly remember. After all if I cannot remember it how can I accept punishment for it. A just God - and God is just, so I believe - would never do that to any of us.

I have thought about this at length, because I told you I don't believe in the Theory of Karma as the world sees it. I have my own Theory of Karma - warped though you might think it to be - in my mind it makes perfect sense.

My Theory of Karma is that we human beings are souls being recycled constantly, life-time after life-time. And, in these life-times our souls go through a rigorous filtration process as they seek "antim moksh" or "eternal salvation" Only the purest of pure souls get "antim moksh" (and as little children we used to talk about when we die we become a star in the sky - I would like to think that this is true and that someday, many life-times from now when my soul has been purified to the hilt and climbed up to the top of the ladder of filtration of souls - I too will reach that level when my soul will no longer be recycled, but will stay in the Kingdom of Heaven - a bright and shining star looking down upon the world as Mother Theresa probably is at the moment).

So how does this filtration take place and why is there so much disparity between one soul and the next. Why is one born in war-torn countries, or lands where famine is taking place, or in a murderer's home, etc. After all the harder a person's life is the more chances that they will take the easy way out and do wrong things in order to get what it is they are after.

In my opinion, it's like this. Just as we have a CEO in a business, who normally is someone who has worked his way up the ladder in his job situation - and is there at the top because he was the best - so too, there is a rough filtration process that God puts us through all our lives. And depending on how we accept and deal with the challenges He/She throws in our way - we either rise or fall down the ladder. Those people who have miserable lives, but still make the most of their life and live it well, without doing anything to harm or hurt others they go up a rung of the ladder in each life-time till they reach the very top (if they ever get there). And the harder their life is on earth the closer they are to the top. It's always hardest at the top of everything worthwhile, is'nt it?

We are born where we are born because that is where we are on the ladder leading towards "eternal salvation". So, in my thinking because we are rich and have a good, healthy and happy life - it does not indicate that we have won God's favour and so are being bestowed with these luxuries. On the contrary, in my opinion, those who have a miserable life of poverty, hunger and disability, etc. are probably on a higher rung of the ladder towards "eternal salvation" than we are. And that is why their test in life is far harder than ours. Just as with each level of education, the exams get harder and fewer people reach there - so too with the filtration process, the tests get harder (hence all those born in poverty and misery as opposed to those born in healthy, happy homes) and only those souls who still lead exemplary lives despite their misery go higher up in the ladder till finally they reach levels of a saint and make their exit from this world - to the world above.:)

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Sunday 29 April 2012

Blood transfusions - a way of life for some!

I wrote earlier about the dilemma I was placed into regarding my mother and her urgent need for blood. Being a rational, progressive thinking person I did not need to think about ethics - because to me it is perfectly ethical that if blood is needed blood should be given. The only thing that worried me was, 'what will happen if contaminated blood is given to her by accident.' However, her need for the blood was more than the risk involved especially at her grand age of 83. However, she is the lucky one, as am I and most of the people I know - as we do not constantly need blood transfusions to survive.

There are, however,a small percentage of people who do need blood, on a regular basis, or else they would cease to exist. Among them are people who have major thalassemia (a by product of two parents who have minor thalassemia).

I am fortunate that, although, I have minor thalassemia myself, my ex-husband did not have the same. It took me all of 25 years and a trip to Saskatoon Hospital, Canada; and a very painful bone-marrow test to find out that I had minor thalassemia - it was never diagnosed in India. Whenever, I would feel fatigued and low in India the docs would pass it off as anemia. Eventually an Indian doc in Canada diagnosed for me that I had had this disorder since my birth. I was then told that I was fortunate that my husband did not have the same disorder or else it could mean a very tragic case of a child with major thalassemia.

I was expecting my first child at that time, and although I did not quite understand the docs apprehension till he had tested my husband for the same I do unfortunately, understand it quite well now as we have a beautiful young lady in our family who has the terrible disorder we are talking about.

Now-a-days in India there is quite a lot of awareness of this disorder, which I am thankful for, but still I am sure there must be many people out there who do not realize that this is a genetic defect and if anyone in one's ancestry has this dreadful disorder the chances are that they could have it too. Furthermore, if two minor thalassemia people create any offspring together the rate of major thalassemia children born (I have been given to understand) is 1 out of every 4. A very high rate of risk.
Strangely just because one sibling has it does not mean that the other one will also have it. Anyway, to come back to the point I am making is that my lovely niece, who is such an inspiration to us all and a joy to be around, needs blood transfusions every 3 weeks or so in order to stay alive and this has been the scenario since she was born. In fact, well-meaning but ill-advised people had even asked her parents not to give her the first transfusion and to put an end to it before it even started. Luckily for us all, her parents chose to do it otherwise.

Life has been very hard for them all. How can it be otherwise when you see your child have to go through transfusion after transfusion - but what a lot of joy we would have missed out on if they had pulled the plug on her all those years ago. Today, she is happily married to someone who also unfortunately has the same disorder - but, together they will give each other strength - and at least they have one another who really understands what the other is going through.

My question is - how can parents who have so lovingly nurtured the baby till she is born, just decide to let her die because she needs blood and they don't want her to have it. Is that not as good as murder? That child is already there - do these children not have a right to live? In my opinion, they are probably on a higher level than the rest of us on the runk of the ladder that leads to eternal salvation (antim moksh - if you believe in it - as I do. But, that is a whole new controversial topic on the Theory of Karma as its stand today and I will discuss that on another day.)

What gets to me about religions such as Jehovah's Witness is that a lot of their brethren are very highly qualified lawyers, doctors, engineers - people with a lot of grey matter. Where then is that grey matter when they blindly follow the dictates of a religion - just because they are born into it and brought up to believe that whatever it says must be unquestioningly followed? How is it that such smart people cannot rationalize and see that God wants us to live as best we can. Yes, we should not kill someone to take their blood and use it for ourselves, but, if blood is needed and available it should be given to enable a good quality of life. If everyone followed their reasoning and religion many people who live reasonably good quality of life today - myself included, may not have been here to enjoy the world and the children and grand-children they so love.

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Thursday 26 April 2012

Blood transfusions..... should we or should'nt we?

The harrowing 8 days are finally over! I took my darling mother into hospital, not knowing whether I would be bringing her back alive - praying, hoping and cajoling God to give me some more time with her. And He/She answered my prayers.:) I finally brought her back with 4 units of foreign blood in her body - a new lease on her life..

When the doc told me that she needed blood transfusions - my mind was very ill at ease, knowing that if she received contaminated blood she could end up worse than she already is. The doc and other people put my mind at ease, telling me that it was all screened for illnesses that already exist and are known. Still it is a big decision, luckily all close members of my family and friends agreed that she should have the blood asap. And she did, and with that my precious mother started to come back to life.:)

It did set my mind thinking though, to the strict and unrelenting thoughts of Jehovah's Witnesses with regards to blood transfusions. They absolutely forbid it, no matter what - even if it is a matter of life or death. The Jehovah's Witnesses, believe that that is most unethical, their version or reading of The Bible forbids it. They consider that blood transfusions are somewhat like cannibalism, whereby you drink another's blood. There have been quite a few documented cases regarding Jehovah's Witnesses and their refusal to take or allow family members to be given blood, even when the eventuality would be an untimely death of the loved one.

It brought back a case I had heard of where a young girl was fighting for her life in Alberta, Canada; and her father - also a member of the Jehovah's religion, went against his beliefs and religion and allowed for her to be given transfusions in order to save her life. He was shunned after that by the rest of his family and religious brethren and even his daughter, whose life he saved - sometimes hated him and once in a while loved him, for giving her a chance at life through transfusions.

There was another case in 2004 when a 23 year old woman, with a 6 month old baby refused to take a transfusion, but, the Court allowed for it to be given. The reason for that decision was that the child had no other family and the baby needed her. What would make a mother want to take such a decision, I wonder, knowing that if something happened to her - as it was likely it would - then her baby would probably end up in an orphanage (if he was lucky) or else on the streets. Which is more important - the young baby or someone else's interpretation of what The Bible says?

How must a person feel when they know that a simple transfusion could save the life of their loved one - but, their religion forbids it. Why are people so easily lead by what people tell them about religious beliefs, that they would endanger the life of those they love just to follow the dictates of a religion that they have grown up with. This herd mentality, without using one's own reasoning and logic really astounds me. You find some of the most intelligent people so badly tied up in their religious beliefs that it makes you wonder if they really have a mind or reasoning power of their own. Is it really unethical for us to allow transfusions and allow another person's blood into our bodies? If so, then organ donation should also be frowned upon and forbidden.

However, I for one am an organ donor in the eventuality of my untimely or timely death. I feel that,that is the least I can do to help someone else live. I see absolutely nothing wrong in being a donor or a recipient. I am also glad that I do not belong or allow myself to blindly follow the dictates of any religion and that I did not have to think and rethink about whether or not to allow my mother the blood she needed to survive.

Thursday 19 April 2012

Quality or Quantity - which is better in life?

Last week, as I mentioned, my precious mother was extremely sick and needed to be hospitalized. It was a harrowing time for me - knowing how old she is (she is 83)and also knowing how fragile she is, the question always kept returning to my mind - Is it her time to go already? Fortunately, I have been very blessed - God spared her, made her well and sent her back home with me.:)

However, as always there is always controversy when someone elderly falls ill - as to whether she should have done this, that or the other. The thinking being that had she not done whatever it was that she has done, she would be sitting hale and hearty and sickness free. At the end of it all comes one question to my mind - is it quality or quantity that we need in our lives?

My mother and I had attended a family wedding in Bombay in February and although she was hale and hearty through it all, on arriving home she went through severe congestion, severe ear infection, severe conjunctivitis (so severe it looked like she had 2 ripe medium sized tomatoes sitting on top and inside her eyes. Then due to all the medication she took to correct these three ailments she ended up having severe diarrhea and then into a bad attack of piles - which led to severe blood loss and ended up in hospital with a hemoglobin of 4.7 gms.

She ended up being completely bed-ridden for 5 days and had 4 units of blood given to her in order for her to be able to walk again. Okay! so she went through all this - she did nothing to court this sickness - it could have happened to me instead - just the luck of the draw I think. Anyway, because of her age and fragility it hit her hard - I just thank God that He sent each bout of sickness one after the other. When one cleared the next lot came. It was an unusual set of circumstances, but, was it connected to our trip to Bombay???? I really don't think it was - not all of it anyway!

I had people telling me that I should realize how old she is and even if she wants to go I should not take her, because I know that she cannot go alone. Really? to me that would be heartless of me - knowing how keen she was on going and being there for her late sister's family and knowing that she would meet many of her other relatives maybe for the last time - should I really have refused to take her? Do I really want her to live without a life - just waiting from day to day, till death overtakes her - or do I want her to live and enjoy every day she can and let her live life while she is still alive?

To me the answer is simple. I, myself, would rather live life and enjoy each day that I can - as I wish to - rather than cotton wool myself and prolong my life as much as I can dying each day because I'm not really living, just protecting myself from dying. Still, I felt that this was one question I needed to ask my mother because it is her life we are talking about.

I did ask her that question, even before we went into hospital - after all the other sicknesses had taken their toll on her and even before I could finish framing the question, pat came her reply, "No, I'm not sorry we went to Bombay. I'm glad we went and I could be there as dadi (paternal grandmother) for my sister's grand-children."

Last year I took her with me to Thailand and Australia. It was the first time in many years that she got to meet her brother and his family, her sister and her family and her own grandchildren - the first time she met her great-grandchildren - all 7 of them! It was the first time she held a baby in many, many years -- could she have had all that joy if she had been too scared to live, in case something happened and she died instead.

Of course, we did not go unprepared. We took all possible precautions - including a business class ticket for her. Sure it cost a bomb, but it was worth it, because she did not tire at all and lived to enjoy her trip through and through. The joy that we all felt at her being there with the rest of our family, was it worth the risk of flying all the way there at this age? If you ask her, I'm sure you will hear an emphatic "absolutely yes! I would not have done it any other way".

So to all those people out there, who think I should let her sit at home and mope and await an inevitable death - I say, "Okay, if that's what you want for your life - that's your choice, but, please let us live ours the way we choose to." I would like to live life and enjoy as I see best for me, rather than live in fear that if I do whatever it is that brings me enjoyment I may die. I will die when my time comes to die - I will lie down forever and go to sleep, but till then please let me live. Give me quality of life rather than quantity any day.:)

Friday 13 April 2012

Life knocks you around!

You think you have your life all set out pat and you go about your normal routine trying to build your business. And then whatm, life knocks you around!

This happened to me 3 days ago, when I was busy preparing for my day and waiting to write a new blog and all of a sudden my world slipped from under my feet. My darling mother, 83 years old has been ailing for a few weeks now, with various unrelated sicknesses - but, she was coping well for her age.

I went to find out one thing from her doctor and came back with another problem which could be far worse than the problem I went to solve. Anyway, I am still waiting for an answer for that, as the answer that we got back was inconclusive.

But, before I knew what happened I was escorting her to the hospital as she was too weak to even walk. Wham, that hit me like a ton of bricks - cause my mum despite her fragility and old age is a pretty gung-ho person and does like to walk by herself - sometimes even when I ask her not to.

What a day it was. Some good, some bad - but all is well that end's well and for that I thank God for his mercies. Well, to start off - I had to get help to move my mum from one place to the other. Thank God for good neighbours - I have been blessed with the best. Our regular Robin Hood neighbours were away, but some others who had moved in not long ago became the next Robin Hood's in our lives.

The young girl came to help me and said if you need to take mum to the hospital, my husband is home he can take you. As I have lived abroad for many, many years - I have not much wisdom when it comes to how things are done in India and I had heard that an ambulance can take a long time in coming, so I thanked her profusely and took up her offer.

I told her I would be ready in 15 mins had to zip across to the bank and get some money. My lady Robin Hood said, "how much do you need" and her reply to mine was, "don't worry, we have it at home just take aunty and go" Bless you Yamini, for the enormous trust you showed in me at that moment.

This was the good part of the story, from her begins the horror story. We live on the 6th Floor - the lift in our building quit - no idea how long it would take to repair. So, my poor dear, fragile 83 year old mother had the most traumatic ride of her life 6 floors down in a chair while 3 -4 men (our neighbour's husband included) took her down the stairs, one stair at a time. Bless them all, God and thank you for sending such wonderful people in my life when I most needed them.

Vishal, my neighbour, took us down in his car to the hospital. The ride was horrific as well as mum was so weak she could not sit and was positioned so badly in the car. Traffic was at its peak and we were in the heat for almost 1 hr. At a right turn, Vishal gave the indicator and the policeman said that he needed to go straight. Luckily, with mum lying down it was easy to persuade the policeman that this was an emergency and he let us go.

My poor dear mother, through all this said nothing. She just bore it all, as she does everything else - with courage and dignity. On reaching the hospital, things went well again and the doctor's and nurses took over and now my mum is resting there - more enegized than before with two units of blood in her body that were not there when we first reached there.

As I sit in the hospital with her, not connected to the net, I have time to thank God for his blessings sent our way in many forms - good neighbours, good doctors, good nurses, good members of our family and friends who come to visit and boost her morale - on the whole good people who help to make this world the beautiful place that it is in.

I came home for a couple of hours and sat down not knowing what to blog about - and this came to me. If it is not a top entry do forgive me, as there are many thoughts and emotions going through my mind. I have come home to a home that does not feel like home because my mother who was the main person here is sitting in hospital. God willing, I will bring her back with me for yet a little while more. I know that the day will come when she will never return, but I pray to God that that day is not yet on the horizon.:)

Tuesday 10 April 2012

Marriage - why does it end in divorce???

Marriage - why does it end in divorce?
They get married with stars in their eyes, thoughts of a rozy life ahead....but alas! only a few months after the marriage they realise that the person they are with is no longer the person they were with, prior to their marriage. Why does this happen? Why do people change? Why do they wait till after marriage to change their behaviour - why change it later and make their happiness dissolve into unhappiness and eventually in many a case - into divorce?

I have no answers for those questions, but just some thoughts on what actually happens. I think initially, they are both enamoured by each others looks and personality and so they fall in love with each other. At this stage they are ready to please and be pleased by everything about each other. They put their best foot forward at all times, because they so badly want to belong to each other.

And then Wham! they tie the knot and get married. Now, the equation changes and that which they wanted so badly has happened. It is theirs. For a little while the excitement remains and so does the love. And then, it starts to creep in. All the teeny, tiny little things that irriate each one about the other. The things they once started to overlook, become quite openly unattractive now and finally they loom ahead like a beacon calling out saying, "I can't and don't want to live with this kind of behaviour anymore". Marriage ends and a process of divorce begins. This happens especially where there are other factors involved and where communication is low or nil between husband and wife. They really have nothing left to want to keep the marriage alive. They are better off alone!

A number of times, a person has specified what they are looking for in their marriage partner and the other person agrees - and says that's what they want from their partner as well. But things change after marriage and the truth becomes evident. One was not telling the truth in order to get the other to agree to that person getting married to them, but, what good does that do to the marriage - it is built on sifting sand. Eventually, break-downs occur & each goes their own merry or unhappy way.
Sometimes it is a control issue. One person wants to be in charge of the other and in this day and age of equality, that is a definite "no, no". But, trying telling that to the controlling person -they just don't understand and this leads to erosion of marriage as well.

Oftentimes, one of the partners' have anger-management issues. Sometimes, these are directly related to addictions of some sort. At other times, it may just be that the person has a lot of repressed aggression which keeps erupting every so often and of course, it is the spouse who bears the brunt of it all. These abusive marriages create havoc in the lives of all concerned - adults and children inclusive. If the spouse is pro-active divorce takes place, else it ends in a very unhappy marriage and a very unhappy home.

Also, these days with most men and women working out of the homes, housework becomes a bone of contention. I have found that where there is no strict line drawn between who does what household chores and where both partners do their bit in helping around the home their marriage builds a strong foundation and they both end up being happy with each other. But where it is pointed out that this is a man's job and this is a woman's job; or where the man will just not do any work at home because, "men just don't do that". Well......., I have news for such men - they may be winning the battle of the moment, but eventually they will loose the war because in most cases the marriage will end in divorce.

Where there is communication ...... and that too positive communication, people become inseparable - after all what more does one want in life than someone by their side always - who is a friend, a lover, a work-mate all rolled into one. I had a friend whose husband did not do any cooking but he would do all the picking and carrying and laying the table etc. and while she was cooking he was always there by her side, chatting with her and keeping communication alive. I commented on it and said how lucky she was to have such a husband and was told by some man X who was in the group that we were in at that time that, "He's such a woos". Well, I have news for that man X who today is divorced and living by himself - that, that woos is still very happily married. Most women, would give their eye teeth to marry such a man who finds time to talk, laugh, joke and cry with his wife. That in my eyes is what a real marriage should be about. When you don't feel the need for outside company, because what you have at home is so beautiful!

Then, there are also those that choose to go in for extra marital affairs after they are married. I would say to them - that grass is always greener on the other side. No one is perfect, so try and make adjustment with whom you are already married to because without adjustment and compromise on both ends this kind of a relationship almost always ends badly.

Sometimes, one person wants to grow as a human being and spiritually and the other just wants to sit and become a couch potato. Now that there really spells trouble - because they both are entitled to what they want - and yet they want two totally different things. One cannot grow if the other wants to laze around doing nothing. And the one that wants to laze around definitely does not want to go where the other is going............ in that case what other option is there but for them to divorce. Unless of course they have a happy marriage otherwise and are willing to allow each one their space to grow .............. or not to grow!

In Indian homes especially in joint families and where there is outside involvement in the marriage, things go either way. Either they become more solid and strong, because the involment from other family members is done in a positive and constructive way - or else they end in unhappiness and divorce.

What a sad state of affairs, it all is. If only people would show their true colours before they married, life would be much happier all around. And more than that there would be no unfortunate children who had the misfortune of being born into a home that was going through the strain of a divorce.
My advice to those considering marriage is write down your core values and what you want and expect out of life and then go through your list with your partner one by one and explore what they are ready to offer in that department. And ask them to do the same with you. And partners, please, its a matter of happiness not only for you but also for the person you are married to that you are honest about it all. There are more than 6 billion people in the world and almost half of them belong to the opposite sex. I am sure you will find at least one such person who wants what you want out of life. Wait for that person to come along, rather than making rash promises which you know you are not willing to keep, because that will only bring about unhappiness all around.

Marriages are not all made in heaven............... all of them are made right here on earth. If each one does what is right their partners and give them what they asked for when they married each other - the marriage would be a happy one and would not end in divorce.

Sunday 8 April 2012

While still on the tender topic of adoption.

One of the main questions when talking about adoption is - should the child be told that he/she is adopted. If so when do you tell the child? While there is no right or wrong answer - there are many diverse reactions and responses to the question.

I can only give you my point of view at the moment - however, if my readers wish to contribute their thoughts I would gladly run a kind of poll (except I am new to this blogging stuff - so I don't quite know how). However, I suppose if you were to leave me your comments I could make a log of them and then come back to you when I get a few responses.:)

My answer to this question is simple - "yes, they should be told and they should be told from day one, even if they are babies - they have a right to know". And, in my humble opinion if you tell them right from the start they are adopted, they will accept it gracefully. Yet, if they get to know years later - the betrayal of trust might be too much for them and a beautiful relationship may be ruined - by how they are told and by whom.

Unfortunately, in this world there are too many people who like to poke their noses where they are not needed and I have heard a few horror stories of how some unkindly aunt or other person in the family has blurted out the truth about their adoption to them. Can you imagine how a child will feel if in his/her formative years they suddenly find out that his/her parents did not give birth to them?

I remember when I was very young, a well meaning family friend who was very fond of me, always, used to tell me that I was actually her daughter and that my parents had adopted me. It did not help that I did not really look like either of my parents. It did do a lot to upset my little mind at that time - although she did it out of love, because she loved me in those days like her own girls. Grown-ups don't realise how much damage they can do sometimes by the things they say .............. and I am as guilty of it as the next person.......I'm sorry to say. But I am trying to watch what I say and I hope others will do so as well. It might help our next generations!

Anyway, back to the adopted child ............ how difficult is it to tell the child right from the start, that he/she is very special ....... as you have specially selected her from the millions of children out there in the world to be your very own child. If you make it a special thing and let them know from the beginning that they are adopted, they will always feel special.

They may still choose to find their birth parents, but, hey - would you not want to know where you came from if the positions were reversed. And every person has a right to know who his birth parents were. However, if you have loved them well and made them feel special to you they will always come back to you.:)

Wednesday 4 April 2012

Aaaaaah, we were talking about adoption!

While still on that delicate topic of adoption - I had often wondered why people adopt within the family when the child's parents are still alive. I had a cousin and a friend who were adopted that way. My cousin's birth mother and adoptive mother were real sisters. My friend was adopted by a single aunt who never got married. Her brother had four girls and she was the one who got adopted. Luckily, for both of them they had very happy, healthy, well-balanced childhoods and were well-loved in their respective adoptive homes. I never did ask my cousin how he felt about being an only child (although he had other siblings) or the adoption, but, my friend herself mentioned once that she often wondered why she was chosen to be given away by her parents. She calls them "Uncle" and "Aunty" - yet knowing that they are her birth parents makes it so wierd. She grew up without siblings, except when they were all together in the same house and same city - even then she was the one who did not really belong, they were her cousins by adoption - not e her real sister. How awful is that? Fancy missing out on such special relationships, because the people who created you did not think about your needs, wants or desires. My thinking is - how could one do that to one's own child? I know that the child was given to the adoptive person because,the adoptive person was well loved and they wanted to give that person the joy of loving their own child. That is a very lovely thing to do for another person. However, on the flip side of the coin - is this beautiful baby whom you have brought into the world. She/he is not a toy or gift that you can just hand over to someone else, because you love them a lot. What about the baby's feelings. How does a child who has been given away by a parent cope knowing that they loved someone else more than they loved her and so they gave her away to the other person. What a terrible dilemma and thought to have to live with for the rest of your life - it would be so much easier to accept if the parents were dead. Life is hard enough without adding more dimensions to it than God had intended for that life. The world is full of children who are without parents. They are the ones who really need to be adopted. They are the ones in danger out there - alone in the world. If you are going to adopt why not adopt out of them, so that you really do some good for another soul. Instead, by adopting within the family or friend's circle you create more issues for a poor child to have to deal with right through their life. Why is it when people think about these things they never seem to think from the eye's of a child who has been given up for adoption. I too, many years ago was put through the same test. My ma-in-law wanted me to give up one of my babies (even those not yet born) to be adopted by my brother and sister-in-law. Wow, that hit me like a ton of bricks!!! I should have expected it but I did not, and when it came it knocked the very wind out of my sails! She had made my brother and sister-in-law, whom I had grown very fond off, wait for 13 years - telling them that when their brother married they could adopt a child from him. She did not want whatever they had materially, to go to another child - it should go to a child from within the family. How selfish is that and how mercenary?:( Instead of thinkig about the child's feelings, to be thinking about keeping whatever is in the family - for the family. Anyway, I had to politely but assertively tell her that 'sorry but no way am I going to part with a child'. She said if you plan to have 4, just have one extra to give to them and I had to tell her that no matter how many children I had there would never be an extra one. All of them would be very welcomed into my home and my heart. I tried to explain to her that I could never do that to my child and that it was important to think of that child before all else. Also, I tried to tell her that any child that came into the house as an adopted child would for all intents and purposes be the loved child of those parents and there should be no difference between him/her and a child born into the family. However, I don't think she quite understood - or forgave me for not giving away my child. The irony of the whole thing is that those beautiful children that my brother and sister-in-law adopted, after that incident were the ones who were around her to give my ma-in-law all the love and care that grandchildren do and she knew them more than she ever knew any of the children actually born into the family.

Monday 2 April 2012

Still on the topic of adoption!

As I had mentioned earlier, I did a Post-Graduate course in International Social Work in Melbourne many years ago. I did some research and wrote on a topic -adoption - that has been a passion of mine ever since I was a little girl. When I was still in my teens I had thought that someday I would like to adopt a child and give some parent-less child the joy of belonging. (However, I must say that I was thoroughly put off with the Indian adoption rules in those days as they said that if you adopt a child that child gets half of whatever you have when you die - and all the other children collectively get the other half. Talk about being unfair to your own child). Anyway, when I did this research for my course, I found out that in Victoria, Australia and in many other countries adoption rules were so strict in olden days, that they did not allow for parents or children to look for or try and find each other. How cruel is that? Okay, Okay, so maybe the parent could be penalized for life for having given up his/her child while they were still alive......but, to do that to a child. How awful would that be? Every human being wants to know where he/she came from. What right does anyone have to take that right away from a person? Anyway, fair or not ... that's what the law said in those days and many a child who had been adopted in that era, died without ever finding out where his/her roots came from. I forget what year that dumb rule was lifted, sometime in the 1960s or 1970s but, when it was lifted there was a deluge of both - parents who gave up their children for adoption and since wanted to find them; as well as; children who wanted to find their birth parents. Many had grown up in orphanages and had miserable lives, some had lived off the streets, some went to undesirable homes ..... but, there were also many who had found very loving and supportive parents, but, still the hankering for where their bloodline came from, caused them to want to find out. A lot of adopted children were very fortunate that the adopting parents did not mind, and, some even helped them find out about their birth parents. Some of the stories were happy reunions with the birth-parents becoming a part of their children's future lives - as friends, not parents since they had given up that right. However, I can remember reading about one poor fellow who desperately wanted to find out and talk to his mother - I think his father had already died - but this heartless birth-mother did not want to disrupt her present life (and her husband and other children did not know about this child) so she refused to meet or even talk to the son she had borne, and given away and since forgotten. How any woman can be so cruel I cannot fathom, but I won't sit in judgement of her as I do not know her circumstances. I just wonder how she can get up each day and look at her face in the mirror and like what she sees!!! It does lead me to a niggling question in my mind though .... Should she be allowed to keep quiet and stay unknown -if her child wants to know her - or does she owe it to the child to talk to him? After all she did put him on this earth and then subsequently forgot about him. I would love to have other people's opinions regarding this issue --- so if you have any thoughts please write them out for me and send them to me.:)

Friday 30 March 2012

Adoption - versus abortion!

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A long, long time ago almost 35 years ago, when I was expecting my first baby - I was talking to another would be mother - and we were discussing abortion and adoption issues. (I know I am going to ruffle a lot of feathers here - but these are my thoughts, so please forgive me if they do not jive with yours.)

Anyway, she was mentioning to me that someone she knew had just had an abortion as she felt she was too young to have a baby - she was an unwed mum-in-the-making. Anyway, my friend Nancy, felt that the young girl should not have aborted the baby - instead she should have allowed the baby to be born and adopted it out instead.

Now, let's get this straight - I am totally anti-abortion - I believe if you put yourself in a position where you have conceived; then, you should do what is responsible by that baby and bring it into the world and love it and care for it. All babies should be loved and cared for(to me, personally, it's a baby from the get go - never a fetus).

There are however, sometimes, extenuating circumstances where one is not totally responsible for bringing that baby into the world (as in the case of rape). Or, sometimes, the baby may have to live through an extremely hard life (such as a child whose parents are in jail for murder, rape, etc.) Thus,for no fault of its own - except for the fact that it got placed in the womb or the person concerned, that poor child will have to deal with a unfairly disadvantaged life. To me, under these circumstances, a person should abort the child if they feel it is the best thing.

I think of it from the child's point of view. Would I have liked it if my mother had given birth to me - if my father had been her rapist? No, I would have hated it, I would have hated my father for having done that to my mother and I would have hated living knowing that I was born out of someone's evil lust - with no love between the two people who created me.

Similarly, would I have been happy if my mother had had me knowing that my father or she herself, were criminals - and that I would suffer the consequences of being the child of a criminal? The cruel taunts in school and through life - for something that was no fault of my own. No, I would have hated it (and I actually am one person who does not even like the word hate - it is too strong a word for my liking. Dislike yes.......... but hate no. However, under both these scenarios I am sure that if I was the child in question I would have hated being born.

So that brings us back to the start of my story - Nancy thought that the baby should have been allowed to live and adopted out when it was born. I was appalled at that thought. My thoughts were and still are, that there are millions of children out there already, who have lost their parents in their childhood or their parents are too poor to look after them. They need loving homes to belong to. Why should we not focus on adopting out those children - instead of creating new babies just for the purpose of adopting them out. When a person knows that she is not going to love the baby, she is going to give it away; then, in my humble thinking - I feel that let her live for the rest of her life with the pain, and the anguish and remorse (if she has any) at killing her baby. Why punish the poor baby?

Why should a poor, dear little baby who has a hard life ahead of him/her already (as life is hard for all of us at sometime or the other, why should this poor soul have to go through more hardships just because his/her mother was careless or unlucky enough to get pregnant. Life is hard enough even when you have a stable home background with parents who love you, nurture and care for you and protect you when you need it. Why should this child have to go through the agony of living life knowing that his/her mother did not love her enough to look after her/him, herself.

What guarantee is there that the baby will be adopted and will find a good adoptive home where love will be in abundance? Maybe, it will become the victim of a pedophile in the very adoption home that he/she lives. Is it right to bring a child into the world, just because one is careless enough to let it happen. Why should that poor child pay the price for their parents' indiscretions?

As I said earlier, these are purely my thoughts, but as a Post-Graduate of International Social Work, I have done extensive research into Adoption - which was indeed the topic that I chose to write about. These thoughts, maybe mine - but there is input for them from the thoughts of many of the true stories I have read about adopted children while doing my research for my paper on Adoption.

More on this topic on another day and if anyone out there is an adopted child or adoptive parent and would like to write to me about their thoughts on this issue, please feel free to do so. I welcome your thoughts.

Wednesday 21 March 2012

Wow, FREE stuff!!!

Monday 19 March 2012

Rape - should women need to protect themselves from it?

'RAPE'- gosh it is so much in the news these days. Yet, it just keeps happening and happening and happening; again and again and again. Why is that? Is it just that men have their brains in the wrong head - or is it that the punishment doled out is just too soft and so they just feel that the pleasure they get fleetingly is worth any punishment that may or may not come later.....
There is so much debating all around the globe, regarding whether women should be asked to learn to protect themselves from the evil intentions of evil men. Women all over feel that the men should be punished and that they themselves (women) should not need to do anything to protect themselves. In other words women should be allowed to roam around freely - skimpily clad if they wish - without drawing the wrong kind of attention and admiration from those around them. I know I am going to be in the firing line by those who have joined up in the slut-walk campaign and other, but really we do need to think about what we are doing!!!
In my humble opinion, the message being sent out by women dressed in such a way is "Hey look at me, I want to show off my assets to you and all sundry, but, you can only look - don't touch".

And, by the way, I thoroughly dislike the term 'slut-walk'. Why do we women have to give ourselves such a negative name. I know people refer to some women as 'sluts'; and their behavior as 'sluttish'; but, as I often told my children - if the name does not fit who you are - walk away and let barking dogs bark. When they see that you ignore them, they will realize that they were wrong in their assessment of you and you will have won without stooping to their level. Participating in 'slut walk' to me only undermines us women and tells the world that we are ready and willing to be called sluts!!!

As a woman myself, I feel that men should be castrated if they rape. Ouch!!! let it hurt with what they have hurt another. With a punishment like that they will have to think about it several times before they act. I don't know of any man who would like that punishment. I feel that if the punishment was severe enough that they could loose their pride and joy --- their so called 'manhood' then they would really stop and think before they did anything that could jeopardize their prized asset.

However, my advice to women would be - that the world is full of mentally sick people and sexually deprived men - you need to learn to protect yourself from such people. Just as you learn to be wary of snakes and stray dogs so too don't put yourself in a position where someone can take advantage of you.

How many men do you see out there almost exposing themselves - they also have private parts to show but they mostly keep them decently covered up. You will hardly find any magazines with naked men - but, ah! naked women you will find a dime a dozen. We women, let ourselves down - by allowing others to exploit our sexuality thus. True, it is only some women who do it, but, there are enough of them who do it to make it harder for the rest of us.

It also does not help when women go up dressed with plunging necklines almost showing all there is to show. It is what I call, the "come hither" look. What you are doing is the equivilent of placing a million dollars in the open and showing it to everyone; and then expecting that they will keep their hands off the money. Yes, a lot of people will walk away from it, but, others will not. Can we truly blame them or is it that we should be allowed to play the game of "tease" without regard for the consequences?

An Imam in Australia likened the women who dress thus, as a 'piece of meat' and men who raped them as 'dogs' - saying that if you throw a piece of meat at a dog he will definitely pounce at it and devour it. While, I and most of Australia felt and unanimously voted the Imam out of Australia - the fact is that if you put yourself in a position where you are dressing to exposing your sexuality and draw attention to it; then; you should be aware that not all men are mentally or morally balanced and that although, in a perfect world it would not happen - however, we are living in a far-from-perfect world and so we should be prepared for the worst should it happen.

So once again it boils down to this. We should not need to get alarm systems or security to protect the safety of our homes - but we do it anyway, because we know that there are bad people out there who might try and rob or harm us. Likewise, we need to keep the same thought in our minds when we try and argue on this topic.

I personally feel, that, my body is my temple - it is not to be displayed to all and sundry. While I don't need to dress from head to toe to cover myself - I do feel the need to keep what is private to me - private!!!
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Divorce - after 25 years of marriage!

Divorce in the day and age when I got married was a dirty word, in India. And in my mind, come what may, I was definitely not going to get divorced 30 some years ago.

My marriage started off as a disaster from day one, but, I was an Indian girl and for me marriage was forever - and I was going to have to make it work one way or the other. And I tried and I tried and I tried, but, it takes two hands to clap and the harder I worked at making the marriage work, the more it went the other way. We were just two people who were all wrong for each other. When I wanted to go North he was happy hibernating in the South. Our thoughts just did not match and it was an unhappy affair - at least for me.

I have no desire to go through all that was wrong with our marriage, but the fact is that there was no communication. He was happy with the TV - I could not compete with all that the TV puts out. Most of his hours at home were spent communicating with the TV and as a result even in a house full of people both of us were truly alone in our marriage.

In all fairness to him, he is a good guy in his own way, but, we are poles apart in thinking and what we wanted from life. Still we plodded along - trying to make the best of a bad situation.

Anyway, the long and short of it is that I ended up taking a divorce 25 years later - after having brought into the world some beautiful but, unfortunate children who were going through the bad marriage and the divorce with us, right through. They were the innocent victims.:(

To me, divorce, is sadder than death of a loved partner (in a sense), because it is actually death of a marriage. Death has to come to us all at some time or the other, but death of a marriage does not. And as you go through it all you get no sympathy from others - in fact, everyone who knows you has an opinion and jdgement about the whole issue. Also, you still have to deal with the person you were married to and try and work out ways to make it workable and as happy as possible for the children.

And also, strangely the moment you take a divorce, people seem to think that you are open to their advances and sometimes even women friends have doubts when you are around their husbands. For Gods sake - I am still the same person I was when I was married, still holding the same values and morals - don't sit and judge and condemn me because I lucked out when I married someone who was totally wrong for me.

It was a very hard time for us all but somehow we got through it. And after many years life has started to eventually come together for me at least. My plea to all those people out there who sit in judgement of those who have opted to take a divorce is - please don't do that. Very few people break up the little nests they have created without good reason. Instead of judging them, try and help them sort themselves out.

People often ask me why I took a divorce after such a long time of being married. Its probably for the same reason that others who stay married for a long time before they take that step do - they want to do what they think is right for the children and when the children are all grown up there is nothing left in the marriage to keep them together. Instead of belittling them for breaking up a marriage, please realize that they made a big sacrifice in staying married for so long, and that they might have really tried to make it work, but it was unsalvagable.

At the end of the day, if you buy a shoe that does not fit well - that gives you blisters and pain - you don't keep wearing it. Why then should one have to go through a whole life in pain because they made a mistake and married someone not right for them???

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