Parental love!!! Love your children???

Different kinds of love for children.

I just read a post named, "My child" http://posts.fanbox.com/74fq4 about a child whose parents were estranged and the reaction of the father from there on. It is a sad story about how children sometimes become pawns between two uncompatible parents. It reminded me of two cases that really had me thinking about parents and the kind of love they have for their children.

There was, and this is a true story, a young boy in America somewhere whose parents were estranged from each other. The father had visitation rights and so one time he took David for a weekend away. That weekend while David was asleep in his bed, his father locked the door from the outside and set fire to the room that David was in. He did not want to share David with his wife - he loved him too much he said -so he decided to kill him, so that his wife could not have him.

Luckily, or unluckily, miraculously David got saved but with very extensive burns to all of his body. I saw David on the Phil Donahue show, a few years after I had seen the movie about him. (The movie is called David.) He was in a full body cast. That is probably his uniform for the rest of his life. He was constantly in pain and when asked how he felt about his father, he candidly said "such kind of love is very destructive - I never want to see my father in my life again.

Poor David, there are others like him who suffer because their parent's love for them is a selfish love rather than a healthy one.

However, here's one to lift your spirits.:) This too is a true story.

There was a lady in Canada who had 7 children, and a husband who (I forget was either riddled with arthiritis or an alcoholic and) could barely look after himself – forget about looking after his children.

The lady found out that she was suffering from Cancer and had only a couple of years to live. They were a poor family and she did not want to leave her children for the State to look after, after she died. So she sent out ads to have her children adopted out to loving and caring families who could look after them as their own. She interviewed and asked her children before she gave them up for adoption, whether they liked the people that she found and would they like to live with them for the rest of their lives.

While she was alive she managed to find good homes for them all, except for one who was disabled. She did manage to find a safe place for him as well though, although not in a loving home. There is a movie about this lady and her family as well, and it is called, “Who will love my children?”

Well, this happened a very long time ago, over 50 years or so, but I remember, while I was still in Canada somewhere in the mid 80s they had a show where they brought all these children together again (of course, they were all adults by then – the disabled one had not made it, he had died some years before) but the rest of them all spoke of the loving homes that they came from and how their mother had lived alone her last few days, in order to ensure that they had happy homes.

Hats off to mother's like that!!! It brings back faith in humanity and constructive parental love. :)

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What is wrong with our Justice System?

What is wrong with our justice system?

Wow, what an eye-opener that show Crime Patrol is! It really is an insight into the minds and lives of people. It"s sad, that the stories are true to life and so some unfortunate person really has lived that horror in their life. But, it really makes me think and be thankful. How fortunate I am not to have been in place of whoever it is that the show was about!

The show about Baby Tara --- urf Firdos. It sent shivers down my spine! To think that even in this day and age – there are women and children who are actually being sold for prostitution or some evil man's or woman's sexual pleasure.

What is wrong with this world? How is it that in this world we have had people like Mother Theresa and yet we also have devils like the woman Meena in Baby Tara's case. Trying to imagine why anyone would want to harm another in anyway, is bad enough. But, trying to imagine how a woman, a so-called epitome of love and caring could so callously for money, just ruin another woman and her children's lives really makes me sick (and I'm sure most of the world is with me in that feeling).

What is it in these women and men that their souls don't cry out and stop them when they are committing these wicked deeds? How can they put anyone into the hell that they do? When they are caught, why are they not given capital punishment? After all if they can play with other peoples lives, without a care, for them then why do we not dole out the same treatment for them?

I really fail to understand why people who rape, or murder, kidnap, sell, mutilate others are not dealt with - with utmost severity when they are exposed. Why is our justice system so protective of the rights of criminals when the criminals themselves so thoughtlessly and cruelly take away the rights of others?

It is my personal opinion that if the punishment for such ugly deeds as those and others mentioned above, were to be prosecuted with the same and more severity; we would live in a far better and safer world. Each time we allow a criminal to go away with just a rap on his/her knuckles we give them more strength to do worse – as they know the punishment will not be befitting the crime.

The very fact that in India criminals are allowed to enter politics, is appalling. That cases like the Tara case or Ruchika Ghirotra case have not yet met with justice really shakes me up.

Why is it that the victim has to prove that they have been violated, in such a way that they are victimized even more and yet the criminal gets away with a joke of a sentence?

Is there anyone out there who can suggest, and lead the way so that such atrocities do not take place?And, God forbid, but if they do take place that we punish the criminal accordingly with a punishment that is befitting the crime.

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Should Kasab be served the death penalty?

What is it with Ajmal Kasab that the judicial system is still not handing him the death penalty? Why are tax-payer's hard-earned dollars going in to look after him for all these years in jail? Why is he not killed cold-bloodedly - as he has so casually and eagerly killed so many of our people?

On the night of 26th November, 2008, all of India felt the tremors from the cold-blooded terror attack on its own soil - in the heart of cosmopolitan Mumbai. The 2008 Mumbai attacks (also often referred to as 26/11) were a coordinated series of bombing and shooting attacks across the largest city in India - Mumbai. These attacks began on the 26th of November, 2008 and went on till November 29th, 2008. In total these attacks left at least 308 people wounded and 164 people dead. The world was left in horror as another September 11, 2001 situation began to unfold in India.

All the terrorists were Islamist from Pakistan, and as confessed by Kasab, they were all trained by the ISI. They were also all given reconnaissance assistance - and a meticulously well-devised plan to destroy and create a path of destruction around high-profile places in Mumbai.

The attacks took place in the Oberoi Trident Hotel, Mazagoan Docks,Metro Cinema, St. Xavier's College,Leopold Cafe, Chhatrapati Shivaji Terminus, the Taj Mahal Tower and Palace, in a lane near the building of the Times of India and Cama Hospital. A taxi in Vile Parle was also attacked. It took endless hours of dedicated men and women to control, capture and kill the attackers and all of India stood by in alert NSG Guards were rushed in and Operation Black Tornado was conducted in an effort to purge the place of all terrorists - this led to the deaths of all the attackers, bar Ajmal Kasab.

Only one terrorist survived the ordeal. His name is Ajmal Kasab. In 2010, on 6th May Ajmal Kasab was found guilty on five counts and sentenced to death. That however, is still to happen!!!:(

According to NDTV, the Maharastra Government has, since 2008 when Kasab was captured, till date paid over 25 crores to keep the mass murderer alive. What justice is that - we have so many, many innocent and hungry mouths, dying due to malnutrition and here the Government spends so many crores feeding and looking after 1 man, who has brought so much grief to the whole nation and to some families in particular. How ironic is it that state is spending so much on security for Kasab when he was the cause of such brutality in the same same state! (1)

The question therefore arises that should we follow through with the death sentence or not? I would be very happy to hear from all my readers whether or not they feel that Ajmal Kasab should be dealt a death penalty or not for his part in 26/11.

(1) http://www.ndtv.com/article/india/ajmal-kasab-s-security-food-and-medical-bills-cost-maharashtra-govt-over-rs-25-crores-196451

The death penalty - Should we or should'nt we exercise it?

The death penalty has many names - Lethal injection, execution, capital punishment to name a few. In olden days, capital punishment was prevalent in most societies in some form or the other. However, as societies became more civilized the death penalty was revised and completely obliterated in some countries. Currently it has been abolished in 97 countries, some countries have not had a single death sentence dealt out in the last 10 years. Only 57 countries in the world still allow and practice capital punishment. The only society where capital punishment has never been followed is Kievan Rus.(1)

Amnesty International together with the UN General Assembly are calling for an execution moratorium, hoping eventually to phase it out completely. Currently however, approximately 60% of the world lives in countries where the death penalty is still being practiced. Four of the most populated countries in the world still allow the death penalty, although in 3 of them, the U.S., India and Indonesia it does not happen very often. China is the only heavily populated country in the world that actually, still makes use of capital punishment on a mass scale.

Amnesty International says that in 2011 only 21 countries have actually used the death penalty as punishment for crimes committed. China does not formally leak out information of the death penalty doled out in its country, however, numerous executions have taken place there. If the statement is to be believed then hundreds of people are executed in China each year. The beginning of the year 2012 saw at least 18,750 people on death row globally.(1)

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Now the burning question is, should the death penalty be allowed or not. What do you think?

Some of the pros for levying the death penalty, in my opinion, are:

1. Justice is served. When some innocent person's life has been violated then it is only befitting that his killer's life should come to an end as well. Why should he be alive to see the beauty of the world, and enjoy his relationships while the victim lies cold in his grave. Where the punishment is not befitting the crime, justice is not served and that is not fair to humanity at large.

2. If a person is not made accountable for his actions, by counter-actions on behalf of the justice-givers then it leaves the door open for others to follow suite, knowing that they will only get a 'rap on their knuckles' and be let off - therefore it does not act as a deterrent as a death penalty would.

3. When they get away with murder once, why won't they do it again? So, to save the life of this murderer we may put many more lives in danger. Is that fair?

4. The cost of keeping a person alive, just because we do not wish to be 'barbaric' and take his life in return for his having done exactly that to another person - is huge. Why should honest, hard-working tax-payers pay for the criminal's free stay in prison. That money could be much better used elsewhere, including in looking after the millions who, globally, live under the poverty level.

5. In earlier days, mistakes did take place and innocent people 'were sent to the gallows' but now-a-days with the heavy screening and matching of DNA those are things of the past. Should we still hang on to the 'no death-penalty' wagon just because of that?

6. It also helps the victim's family, who have needlessly suffered a lot to know that the person who killed their loved one, was killed in return, so it helps bring about closure and some relief in their lives.

Some of the cons for levying the death penalty, in my opinion are:

1. By allowing the death penalty we actually do the same thing - we kill someone, so we lower ourselves to his level. By allowing it we are as guilty as he was. Should we really do that?

2. The victim is dead already, what good will it do to him if we put his perpetrator to death as well.

3. It is 'barbaric' and 'gruesome' - completely out of the dark-ages; to put someone to death, in such a cold-blooded way.

However, all said and done - in my mind - we as a society, owe it to our citizens to allow them to feel safe and secure in the knowledge that no one will harm them. However, perchance someone does harm them, they need to know that justice will be upheld.

If we let the victims get away, we are actually, in my opinion, accepting what they do and condoning it and encouraging others to do the same. I know it is 'barbaric' to follow this path, however, it seems to me - to be the only fair way of dealing with the situation. "An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth," (Hammurabi, 1792-1750BC King of Babylon) It seems to me to be, the only fair way of deterring people from doing the wrong thing. Innocent lives should not be lost because the law is too lenient in doling out punishment to wrong doers.

(1)(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Capital_punishment)

Pregnancy after Rape...... Then What??? - Abortion, Adoption or Keep the Baby????

Raped!!! -- What a horrifying situation to find oneself in, yet it happens the whole world over and even as I write at this moment, someone somewhere is being violated thus. What a sad world we live in! What joy does it give a rapist, to rape someone - even knowing that his advances are unwanted. How can anyone dehumanize himself to such an extent? Its hard to believe that the same body which holds the image of God within oneself - also, holds the image of the devil within itself. And when the devil lets himself out tragic things happen.

I would not wish it on my worst enemy (luckily I believe in making friends - not enemies) - but some people rape their wives, partners, friends and even their own family members. What a lot of sick people there are in the world.

What trauma must a person go through, when rape takes place, before, during and after the deed. Such a violation of one's temple (I equate one's body as one's temple - because the God in that person resides there). The feeling of being unclean, the humiliation if one goes to the cops to lodge an FIR - the endless questions they get asked about the most personal details of the rape. It must seem like they are being verbally raped again. What a whammy it is in their lives.......!!! Somehow, though, with the help of loved ones and friends they begin to build their lives again and then.........!!!

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Here comes a double whammy - the rape has taken a more sinister form -- in the shape of a little person on his/her way. I shudder when I think of all the emotions that must go through the raped person's mind knowing that the rape was not all... Now here is a lifetime of feeling the rapist's presence around them coming their way, in the form of a little bub.

I often put myself in that person's position and think, 'how would I have felt, if that had happened to me. I love children, always wanted a dozen. I do not believe in abortion, I believe in responsible parenting.

However even despite all that, I don't think I would have ever gone through the pregnancy to bring forth the rapist's baby. It is easy for pro-lifers to say "have the baby and adopt it out" - but really is that what would be best for the baby.

It would be hard enough for the victim to deal with the rape. Now this, Oh my Gosh!!! If she has the baby she will have to live her whole life loving a child, but hating its father who has so violated her. How will she explain to her child that he/she was born out of an act of violence rather than love? How will the child feel about it? How will the child deal with such terrible news? (And invariably such news does leak out). How will it effect the child's attitude towards the world and among other things, what if history repeats itself and the child becomes a rapist like his dad - how would she cope with it?

What would you and I feel if we were the child in question. I can't answer for you, but I might even hate my mother for letting me be born under the circumstances. And that again would be a double whammy for the child and the mother. How would the baby have felt to know that the father had raped his mother and he was not born out of love but out of lust? Is'nt life hard enough as it is, without throwing in such horrendous things for a child to have to deal with?

People will always have an opinion as to what the victim should do, but she needs to do what is right for her and for the child. She may decide to have the baby, because her religion forbids her to get rid of the child. Well, I would not listen to a religion that told me that, because, I would think of what the child would have to go through in life, rather than worry about those that are least affected by it all. But then, that is me, and fortunately, I have never had to deal in real life with this situation - but I do have sympathy for the victims (both mother and the unborn child) and I can empathize with the dilemma they find themselves in.

The only good news in this whole scenario is that there is help out there for all three people in the equation as there are now a lot of counselling and trauma centers, and they deal with helping not only the victim but the rapist as well, to figure out what is wrong with him and why he did what he did.
So to all those unfortunate women out there who have been in this sitation, my heart goes out to you. I wish I had more than just words to help apease your pain, however, I sincerely say to you, "Do what you think is best for you and the baby". You have to live with the decision you make for the rest of your life -- so make it a decision that fits in with your being. Don't let judgmental people makes decisions for your life. They don't have to live your life -- you do.
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IS IT RAPE IF A WIFE SAYS "NO" BUT IT STILL HAPPENS?

Rape as described by Dictionary.com is "any act of sexual intercourse that is forced upon a person." That pretty well sums up what constitues rape in general terms.

However, unfortunately, it happens many times over, in many homes all over the world. Women are treated as a sex object and their wishes are disregarded by their husbands, who consider themselves to be their lord and master.

I have heard from at least a dozen married women who have told their husbands that they do not wish to have sex with them - that day or any other day - but their "nos" have been left unheaded, while the male in question has had his bit of fun - if it was that!

I have also heard men say that it is their right since they are married to the woman in question - and it is not rape at all. I ask you - what do you think?

I heard one sad story from a lady who said that her marriage went the wrong way from day one, when she told her husband of a few hours that she would like to wait a few days, till they got to know each other before taking a toss in the hay. They had a traditional arranged marriage and were virtually strangers to each other. Her husband, she said, laughed at her and said, "what, not make love to my wife on my wedding day?" and that was the end of the discussion. He was a man used to making love, she was a virgin. He had watched oodles of porn and nothing mattered to him but getting what he wanted.

So, she told me, "it was slam, bam, thank you maam" and he had his wish (what joy he got from it I wonder), and he immediately went into a drunken slumber while she says she bled profusely - due to the roughness he showed with her and the fact that she had been a virgin till then - and she spent the rest of the night in tears - her dreams of a happy marriage shattered on the very first night itself. She said that although she is still married to him - their marriage died that very night that they got married. She is unfortunately still bound down by the old traditions of India and will not take a divorce, although, there is no happiness in her marriage.

It stands to reason - that if a man is so thick-skinned and inconsiderate that he can force himself upon a poor defenceless woman then how can she ever be happy with him. If on his first night with her he has no gentleness or consideration for her, how can one ever expect him to have consideration later.

For a man sex is a physical appetite - as unemotional as the need to eat food, but, to most women sex is an emotional need - an expression of her love for the man in question. Men complain that their wives no longer want to be made love to. What they fail to realise is that either their wives are physically tired due to the demands made on them by children, housework, job etc. (which means the husbands are not doing anything to help out - so they are full of energy while the poor wife is juggling with the jobs on hand and the energy she has in her to get the most important things done}and by the time the night comes she is just too exhausted and all she wants to do is shut her eyes and fall off to sleep.

Or else, the wife is not having her emotional needs met, and when her emotions are denied her need or desire for sex dries up as well.

I have had some ladies tell me that their men treat them most disrespectfully, yet, they want them to be ready to have sex with them whenever they feel like it. And one lady said to me "If I cannot have the love, respect, trust and consideration that I deserve and desire - I don't feel like having anything to do with my husband. And I as a woman, can relate to that.

Spousal rape was not considered rape until the latter part of the twentieth century. The reason for that was that till then,the woman was treated as a belonging rather than a person and having married the man it was considered that she had consented in her duty to keep him sexually satisfied.

However, with the emergence of women's rights and equality between the sexes, spousal rape - at least in the western world - is recognized as such and punishable by law in many countries.

I would be very happy to hear what you think of this issue. Please do leave a comment for me - if you have any opinion at all about it. I am trying to do a kind of a study on this issue.