Adoption - versus abortion!

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A long, long time ago almost 35 years ago, when I was expecting my first baby - I was talking to another would be mother - and we were discussing abortion and adoption issues. (I know I am going to ruffle a lot of feathers here - but these are my thoughts, so please forgive me if they do not jive with yours.)

Anyway, she was mentioning to me that someone she knew had just had an abortion as she felt she was too young to have a baby - she was an unwed mum-in-the-making. Anyway, my friend Nancy, felt that the young girl should not have aborted the baby - instead she should have allowed the baby to be born and adopted it out instead.

Now, let's get this straight - I am totally anti-abortion - I believe if you put yourself in a position where you have conceived; then, you should do what is responsible by that baby and bring it into the world and love it and care for it. All babies should be loved and cared for(to me, personally, it's a baby from the get go - never a fetus).

There are however, sometimes, extenuating circumstances where one is not totally responsible for bringing that baby into the world (as in the case of rape). Or, sometimes, the baby may have to live through an extremely hard life (such as a child whose parents are in jail for murder, rape, etc.) Thus,for no fault of its own - except for the fact that it got placed in the womb or the person concerned, that poor child will have to deal with a unfairly disadvantaged life. To me, under these circumstances, a person should abort the child if they feel it is the best thing.

I think of it from the child's point of view. Would I have liked it if my mother had given birth to me - if my father had been her rapist? No, I would have hated it, I would have hated my father for having done that to my mother and I would have hated living knowing that I was born out of someone's evil lust - with no love between the two people who created me.

Similarly, would I have been happy if my mother had had me knowing that my father or she herself, were criminals - and that I would suffer the consequences of being the child of a criminal? The cruel taunts in school and through life - for something that was no fault of my own. No, I would have hated it (and I actually am one person who does not even like the word hate - it is too strong a word for my liking. Dislike yes.......... but hate no. However, under both these scenarios I am sure that if I was the child in question I would have hated being born.

So that brings us back to the start of my story - Nancy thought that the baby should have been allowed to live and adopted out when it was born. I was appalled at that thought. My thoughts were and still are, that there are millions of children out there already, who have lost their parents in their childhood or their parents are too poor to look after them. They need loving homes to belong to. Why should we not focus on adopting out those children - instead of creating new babies just for the purpose of adopting them out. When a person knows that she is not going to love the baby, she is going to give it away; then, in my humble thinking - I feel that let her live for the rest of her life with the pain, and the anguish and remorse (if she has any) at killing her baby. Why punish the poor baby?

Why should a poor, dear little baby who has a hard life ahead of him/her already (as life is hard for all of us at sometime or the other, why should this poor soul have to go through more hardships just because his/her mother was careless or unlucky enough to get pregnant. Life is hard enough even when you have a stable home background with parents who love you, nurture and care for you and protect you when you need it. Why should this child have to go through the agony of living life knowing that his/her mother did not love her enough to look after her/him, herself.

What guarantee is there that the baby will be adopted and will find a good adoptive home where love will be in abundance? Maybe, it will become the victim of a pedophile in the very adoption home that he/she lives. Is it right to bring a child into the world, just because one is careless enough to let it happen. Why should that poor child pay the price for their parents' indiscretions?

As I said earlier, these are purely my thoughts, but as a Post-Graduate of International Social Work, I have done extensive research into Adoption - which was indeed the topic that I chose to write about. These thoughts, maybe mine - but there is input for them from the thoughts of many of the true stories I have read about adopted children while doing my research for my paper on Adoption.

More on this topic on another day and if anyone out there is an adopted child or adoptive parent and would like to write to me about their thoughts on this issue, please feel free to do so. I welcome your thoughts.

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Rape - should women need to protect themselves from it?

'RAPE'- gosh it is so much in the news these days. Yet, it just keeps happening and happening and happening; again and again and again. Why is that? Is it just that men have their brains in the wrong head - or is it that the punishment doled out is just too soft and so they just feel that the pleasure they get fleetingly is worth any punishment that may or may not come later.....
There is so much debating all around the globe, regarding whether women should be asked to learn to protect themselves from the evil intentions of evil men. Women all over feel that the men should be punished and that they themselves (women) should not need to do anything to protect themselves. In other words women should be allowed to roam around freely - skimpily clad if they wish - without drawing the wrong kind of attention and admiration from those around them. I know I am going to be in the firing line by those who have joined up in the slut-walk campaign and other, but really we do need to think about what we are doing!!!
In my humble opinion, the message being sent out by women dressed in such a way is "Hey look at me, I want to show off my assets to you and all sundry, but, you can only look - don't touch".

And, by the way, I thoroughly dislike the term 'slut-walk'. Why do we women have to give ourselves such a negative name. I know people refer to some women as 'sluts'; and their behavior as 'sluttish'; but, as I often told my children - if the name does not fit who you are - walk away and let barking dogs bark. When they see that you ignore them, they will realize that they were wrong in their assessment of you and you will have won without stooping to their level. Participating in 'slut walk' to me only undermines us women and tells the world that we are ready and willing to be called sluts!!!

As a woman myself, I feel that men should be castrated if they rape. Ouch!!! let it hurt with what they have hurt another. With a punishment like that they will have to think about it several times before they act. I don't know of any man who would like that punishment. I feel that if the punishment was severe enough that they could loose their pride and joy --- their so called 'manhood' then they would really stop and think before they did anything that could jeopardize their prized asset.

However, my advice to women would be - that the world is full of mentally sick people and sexually deprived men - you need to learn to protect yourself from such people. Just as you learn to be wary of snakes and stray dogs so too don't put yourself in a position where someone can take advantage of you.

How many men do you see out there almost exposing themselves - they also have private parts to show but they mostly keep them decently covered up. You will hardly find any magazines with naked men - but, ah! naked women you will find a dime a dozen. We women, let ourselves down - by allowing others to exploit our sexuality thus. True, it is only some women who do it, but, there are enough of them who do it to make it harder for the rest of us.

It also does not help when women go up dressed with plunging necklines almost showing all there is to show. It is what I call, the "come hither" look. What you are doing is the equivilent of placing a million dollars in the open and showing it to everyone; and then expecting that they will keep their hands off the money. Yes, a lot of people will walk away from it, but, others will not. Can we truly blame them or is it that we should be allowed to play the game of "tease" without regard for the consequences?

An Imam in Australia likened the women who dress thus, as a 'piece of meat' and men who raped them as 'dogs' - saying that if you throw a piece of meat at a dog he will definitely pounce at it and devour it. While, I and most of Australia felt and unanimously voted the Imam out of Australia - the fact is that if you put yourself in a position where you are dressing to exposing your sexuality and draw attention to it; then; you should be aware that not all men are mentally or morally balanced and that although, in a perfect world it would not happen - however, we are living in a far-from-perfect world and so we should be prepared for the worst should it happen.

So once again it boils down to this. We should not need to get alarm systems or security to protect the safety of our homes - but we do it anyway, because we know that there are bad people out there who might try and rob or harm us. Likewise, we need to keep the same thought in our minds when we try and argue on this topic.

I personally feel, that, my body is my temple - it is not to be displayed to all and sundry. While I don't need to dress from head to toe to cover myself - I do feel the need to keep what is private to me - private!!!
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